Kabootar Mehenga Padh Jaayega, by errr...fan!

People ask me who my favorite actor is. These people have a sad habit of asking about favorite actors and actresses, across segments and geographies. I think they prepare mental dashboards and rank reports, based on the response they get, and think it makes for good conversation.

5 years back, when I was asked this question, I said - Irrfan Khan. Nobody could place him. But it was amusing to them when I did a little bit of - 'Chal baby, n***i ho jaa' from Gunaah. His name was not even spelled 'Irrfan'. I was the lone brand ambassador.

4 years back, when I was asked the same question, I said - Irrfan Khan. It was still difficult to place him, but some people had seen Haasil, and Ranvijay's 'Kaa Bhaiya' fever was catching up. All my friends knew who he was. I was not alone.

3 years back, when I was asked the same question, I said - Irrfan Khan. All my friends knew who he was. Even the friends' friends. But for some funny reason, people thought I was kidding. Some idiots also confused him with Irfan Pathan - the cricketer. That was the most difficult year of my life.

2 years back they realized it was all serious, and a big deal. Haasil Trivia games became the order of the day. 'What did Ranvijay say to Suggi while asking about the missing Niharika?', 'Which theater did Ranvijay call his friends after he killed Pandit?', 'Why do girls shy away from Ranvijay, even though he has a clean heart'? are just some examples.

1 year back, I stopped endorsing Irrfan. There was no need for it. The movies, the Hutch/Vodafone ad, the crossover cinema, all this was louder than my words.

Some people come to me and say, why Irrfan Khan. I don't blame them. They are only used to the other Khans being named as favorites. I don't know the answer. All I know is that there are fans. There are big fans. And then there are people who call themselves biggest fans. I guess I was just the "first" biggest fan.

Animal Crackers

I was driving back home, when I saw a big fat lazy rat crossing the road. Rats are disgusting, but killing it and having its blood on the tyre would have been more disgusting. Now this rat was really slow. In order to save its life, I optimized the speed. Enough to drive over it, but without having the tyres make contact with the rat.

However I was oblivious to the fact, and so was the rat, that a hungry dog was following it, trying to take advantage of its laziness. I only spotted the dog when it came really close to the vehicle. I was caught in a dilemma. It was either the dog or the rat. I couldn't have avoided them both. For a nano-second, I felt like the US of A. The rat was like Kuwait, and the dog was like Iraq. It was about to die a KKM (Kutte ki maut).

But there was one way out. I felt I could do it. It required tremendous skill. Spiderman reflexes. It required courage, and confidence. But most of all, it required sacrifice, since I was not wearing a seatbelt. It was difficult, but not impossible. It was worth a shot.

What happened in the next split of a second would give the Mithun's and Rajnikanth's of this world a run for their money. The dog did get hit. Thankfully, the impact was zero, but distracted the dog enough to give rat the time required to disappear into the roadside dirt. End of it, all three of us went home without a scar.

When I think about it now, it gives me a chill down the spine. What if I had to choose between the dog and the rat. I don't know. I have no clear favorite. They're all the same. Both dogs and rats look up to humans. Cats look down upon us. But pigs - they treat us as equals. I like pigs. I am pretty sooar about that.

Moral of the story: It's funny how dirty animals and Barney Stinson can restore your faith in God.