Do Panktiyaan

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
And I have promises to keep,
But first, let me sleep,
And maybe later we can do the miles in a jeep.

ps. Line 3 is for Manasi. And line 4 is totally tentative. Do not hold me ransom on that.

Another long story, cut short

It was a cloudy morning of August. Traffic was moving slowly from Parihar Chowk bus stop in Aundh towards Pune Infotech Park. The puddles on the road were providing no help to the traffic flow either. Some notorious drivers were splashing dirty black water, with little concern for those waiting for 6-seaters, the commonly used public transport.

Raghu always chose Parihar Chowk bus stop for the hunt. He had just started working, and his apartment, which he shared with 2 other friends, was walking distance from the point. While his room-mates preferred the reliable 6-seaters or autos to go to office, he always waited for a lift. That was a point where cars usually slowed down to take a left or a right, and Raghu knew that the chances of a driver giving in to his thumb-charms were enhanced when the car was at its slowest speed. He had his strategy in place. His timing while asking for the lift was perfect. He got a lift everyday.

Vishal was also waiting at Parihar Chowk. He was a small-town boy, and new in the city of Pune. Like almost every other person waiting there, he too was destined for one of the swanky software company offices at the Infotech Park. He was late today, and had missed the 9:30 6-seater. He hoped that another one would come by soon.

It had started to drizzle. Raghu was not worried as he missed the 9:30 6-seater. He knew he would find a lift. He was so sure that he had started being selective recently. The lift wasn't that important - the right car was. He preferred classy people driving big air-conditioned cars for his ride to the office. He always made a perfect conversation, and the drivers were so impressed with the young boy that some of them even asked for his resume and offered him a job. Ofcourse Raghu never sent his resume. He wanted a lift, not a job.

Vishal contemplated taking an auto, but autos were too expensive, and he did not want to spend 100 bucks for a ride to office. He hated to haggle with the auto-waalas. He was certainly not the kinds who would ask for a lift, though secretly he wished that someone would stop by, and give him a ride to his office. An auto-waala stopped near him, asked if he was interested, and Vishal politely denied. The auto-waala drove off, spitting pan and swearing in Hindi.

Raghu was singing a song in the light drizzle, when lightning struck. He had waited for some time now, and it was about to rain heavily. Was he running out of luck today? He tried to dispel the thoughts. He decided that he will charm the hell out of the driver today, and insist that he be dropped right in front of his office gate. He had done it before, and he knew he will do it today. As he was rejoicing thinking about his past achievements, it started pouring. He began his frantic attempts and started asking everyone for a lift, but it seemed it wasn't his day today. It was raining heavily now. With no auto or shelter around, it took only a few minutes before he was completely drenched. Office was out of question now.

Raghu reluctantly started his walk back home. He felt dejected. He knew there was no point in crying in the rain, as nobody would notice his tears anyways. He smiled at the irony. He would go home today, and analyse what went wrong today. His self-confidence had taken a hit, and for a moment he toyed with the idea of taking a 6-seater like regular people.

Vishal was still at the bus stop when it started to drizzle. There was no 6-seater in sight, and Vishal knew that it would take a miracle now for him to reach office on time.

It had just started pouring and Vishal was scurrying for cover when a shiny metallic Honda City stopped next to him. Raghu opened the door for Vishal, and asked him to hop on. It was raining heavily now, but both of them were cruising down the road without a worry.

Pleasantries were exchanged, and they were chatting about weather, work, and roads. Vishal could not stop thanking Raghu, whom he preferred calling Sir, inspite of Raghu's insistence that he be called Raghu. It was only when they were about to reach that Raghu asked him - 'Boy! why did you not ask for a lift.'? Vishal had no answer. He started stuttering - 'Err...I was about to....I was actually waiting for...err...'.

'Never mind' - interrupted Raghu. 'You know it was about to rain heavily. I wish somebody had stopped for me like this 5 years back'.

'Tu' cents on 'Tu'borg

Bhaiya, this is how it is. Tuborg beer bottle is the biggest invention after internet. Period.

Infact, it comes close to being the biggest invention in the history of mankind. Okay, wheel was a great invention, but what good is a wheel when you are having pizza.

Tuborg is changing the whole game in the beer market of India. With all foreign brands now brewing here in India, including Budweiser, Carlsberg, Corona, Tiger et al. - Kingfisher is going to face a tough time ahead. And with innovations such as that in Tuborg, the importance of design and packaging takes critical importance. Tuborg bottle proves and God loves us and wants us to be lazily happy and happily lazy.

For those who haven't tried it, go grab a bottle. Do not worry about an opener or a nail-cutter, or strong teeth, or any other niche skill. To sum it all up, I'll quote a friend whose statement could be the best jingle/punchline for Tuborg ads in India.

He remarked after a few pints, when his bladder was gladder - "Ab main bhi khol sakta hoon".

ps. Cannot help but remember Goti's way to toast. Arz kiya hai, Chee-arz.

Rahul Dravid and PAANCH kahaaniyaan

Rahul Dravid made a strange record today. He broke the record of Mark Waugh's 181 catches in test cricket by catching Tim McIntosh in the slips, of a Zaheer Khan'ner, to dismiss him and to complete his 182nd. What a glorious day!!!

To add more dope to the story, here are five little known facts about Rahul Dravid:

1. Hot looks
He once looked like Romesh Powar. But girls did not like it much. (I wonder why??). So he worked on his looks, used a lot of Fair and Handsome, worked out in the gym to become a lean-mean-sex-machine (LMSM), and even went to Baba Bangali, to increase his height. And boom…he converted into Rahul Dravid. Chicks dig him now.

I wonder, what is wrong with these girls. Is Romesh Powar not obviously better looking than Rahul Dravid?

2. Love-hate Bhajji
Rahul Dravid’s accepts that his only failure was not being able to tame Harbhajan Singh. He recalls telling Bhajji several times to appeal like normal bowlers, i.e. by jumping on the pitch, raising hands, and keeping the mouth open. However, Bhajji continues to appeal by running on the pitch backwards, towards the batsman, taking little baby steps. Only Rahul knows that Bhajji will fall one day.

3. Aam ka Aachaar
Contrary to common conception, Rahul Dravid does not like bread and ‘Sil’ jam. He does not like any jam (traffic included), for that matter. He likes mango pickle instead. He loves mango pickle so much that he once tried to steal it from Veerendra Sehwag’s plate, who was having it with Aloo Parathe te extra makhhan. Rahul Dravid got beaten up real bad that day.

Since that day, Dravid dreads Sehwag. He does not open with Sehwag, and when Sehwag falls(he's the first one to fall always), Dravid goes in to bat one down. That way, he does not get to spend any time with Sehwag, on the field, or in the pavilion.

4. The Cushion
When he was new to the team, and the team management met to debate whether he should be nick named ‘The Wall’, for his ability to stay at the crease, or ‘The Cushion’, for his ability to irritate and embarrass the team by dropping the ball at his feet everytime it made contact with the bat, all votes went in favor of ‘The Cushion’. He later took Dada, the then skipper, out and treated him to Fish Tikka Masla.

Yes, you guessed it right. It was a bribe for changing the name to ‘The Wall’.

5. Main hoon DON
When Dravid was not born, his parents went to a pundit. The pundit was a huge fan of Amitabh Bachhan starrer ‘Don’, and was watching cricket that time.

Legend goes that the pundit blessed the unborn boy by saying – ‘Gyaarah desh ke bowlers iske peeche honge, par isko out karma mushkil bhi nahin, naamoomkin hoga’.


Note: I apologize to Sethji, who is the biggest fan of Rahul Dravid, if I have hurt his sentiments. Sethji, ofcourse he is a great player, and may he live 182 years. But still, Sachin bhai is better.

ps. For photo gallery of Romesh Powar, please visit http://www.chakpak.com/celebrity/ramesh-powar/41773

Tryst with destiny

On August 14, 1947, at the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world slept, India awoke to life and freedom.

Yesterday, at the stroke of midnight hour, I awoke to Santa and Banta Singh, who had come to my place with a few beers and wanted to spend the night at my place. Now these two, unlike Santa-Banta reputation, are smart people. Santa is a JAVA and PHP programmer. Banta is even smarter. He is not a JAVA and PHP programmer.

After 3 hours and a dozen beers, three of us were watching the last day of the India-NewZealand 2nd test on TV. It was going to be an uphill task to save the test. As Jeeten Patel bowled to Sachin, Santa, who was busy writing code all this while, took his eyes off his laptop and asked - 'Why are we watching Maharashtra-Gujarat Ranji match?'. Now Banta, true to his initials, is full of BS. Cheekily, he remarked - 'Because the winner will play Punjab in the finals’. This response was more than enough for Santa to get interested. ‘So, who is playing for Punjab’? – he fired another one.

And then Banta Singh responded with a list – which was quite appalling.

1. Harbhajan Singh
2. Navjot Singh Sidhu
3. Maninder Singh
4. Reetinder Singh Sodhi
5. Bishen Singh Bedi
6. Balwinder Singh Sandhu
7. Tara Singh (of Gadar fame)
8. Deva (opening batsman from Lagaan)
9. Happy (from Singh is King)
10. Lucky (from Singh is King)
11. Ghanta Singh (introducing Ghanta, Santa-Banta’s friend from their village)

This atrocious response was good enough for Santa. He was pretty pleased with the team, as their best friend Ghanta had made it big. I changed channels to divert their attention from cricket discussion. A movie was on – ‘Dil Vil Pyaar Vyaar’, where three protagonists, played by Sanjay Suri, Madhavan and Jimmy Shergill decide to enter a singing and musical competition. The events that lead to this competition, and their personal lives, including their romantic ties, is the theme of this movie. In the end, Sanjay Suri’s song, even though it fails to win the competition, ends up healing his girlfriend’s brother, whose legs are paralyzed after a mental trauma.

And then they all come together to sing the final climax-titles song ‘Yaadon ki Baaraat’, with their respective WAGs. The paralysed guy is also up on his feet, walking all around, and even singing. Moreover, he has Sanjay Suri’s sister at his side. It seems, she always had a thing for him.

Santa looked up from his laptop again, curiosity got the better of him again, and he asked – ‘Yeh chautha launda chalne kaise lag gaya? Aur isko bandi kaise mil gayi?’. Banta, who was really high by now, was pretty assertive in his response – ‘Kyon na miley bandi - now toh all three legs are working, hainji?’. I could make out from his sardonic smile that things were going to get worse, and really cheap.

I changed to Discovery channel, only to discover that two turtles were doing it. Lest these two decided to follow suit, I changed to cricket again. Bloody, ‘maa de laadle’, these two are, and watching Santa-Banta into action was the last thing I wanted.

Indian top order was amazing, as they saved the Napier test, retaining the 1-0 lead in the Test series.

Ps. For those to want to know more about Ghanta Singh, please visit http://www.GhantaAndTheCow.com

*** Do me a favor, lets play Holi ***

To read till the end...

1. holi today
2. bhang today
3. rains in newzealand every day
4. prayers to rain God every day
5. india newzealand match today
6. high score by newzealand today
7. rains today
8. short match today - india needs 343 of 47 overs (enough of today shit, match starts)
9. shuffle in order, sehwag and yuvraj open, start hitting with the word go.
10. sehwag misses a few, has a realization moment, and makes himself steady.
11. yuvraj is making most of powerplay from the other end.
12. sehwag joins the party.
13. score: 117/0 in 11.2.
14. mills to sehwag, sehwag hits straight, ball touches mill's finger and hits the stumps. yuvraj found short of crease.
15. what a disappointment!!
16. gambhir is in next.
17. ryder provokes him by saying things about india and having nothing to eat, nothing to wear, and high tax rates.
18. gambhir hits ryder for two sixes and a four in three balls.
19 sehwag walks up to gambhir and asks him to calm down and take the situation seriously.
20. what an irony that was - sehwag asking gambhir to calm down.
21. bigger irony - gambhir-the-serious cannot take anything seriously
22. gambhir goes for a wild one, it was way outside off, caught at long on.
23. india 146/2 in 14.4 overs.
24. sachin comes to bat. a full-toss from southee hits him on the head, and he falls on the stumps. sachin has gone for a duck. spectators go silent.
25. india 146/3 in 14.5 overs.
26. raina comes next. sehwag and raina consolidate.
27. raina punishing the bad deliveries well.
28. a quick one from mills hits raina on the ankle.
29. loud appeal for lbw, turned down, raina is also down.
30. raina being taken away on a stretcher. this one looks bad.
31. india 198/3 in 24.5 overs.
32. indian tail exposed.
33. dhoni comes to bat.
34. dhoni is out. 201/4 in 26.1 overs - (if you want to ask me how he got out, ask a dhoni fan, because i am not. goto point 32 and read carefully).
35. yusuf pathan comes to bat.
36. pathan entertains with a few boundaries. so does sehwag.
37. pathan is caught in the gully. 226/5 in 30.5 overs.
38. harbhajan comes to bat. plays 2 shots from over the top of his and wicketkeeper's head for boundaries. some entertainment this guy is.
39. harbhajan dances down the pitch (a skill he learnt after a reality dancing show) to aim a slower full toss from vettori.
40. misses, mcullum makes no mistake. harbhajan is stumped.
41. india is 241/6 in 36.3 overs. looks difficult from here.
42. indian spectators sing a bhajan to praise God. the bhajan says that its only Him who can save them. (english readers, bhajan has got nothing to do with harbhajan)
43. zaheer khan comes to the crease.
44. a loud appeal for an lbw against zaheer, and the finger goes up.
45. india 245/7 in 36.6 overs.
46. ishant sharma comes to the crease.
47. after surviving one over, ishant edges to the wicketkeeper.
48. india is 249/8 in 38.2 overs. 94 required in 52 balls.
49. amit misra is the last one left. raina is injured and retired hurt. he has broken an ankle bone.
50. and i cannot believe it. what a sight!! raina is coming, limping into the ground. and all spectators rise. he bends and touches the field. says a little prayer.
51. crowd roars. historical moment in cricket.
52. sehwag feels confident.
53. surprise does not end here. raina is not alone. he is bringing a runner with him.
54. the runner is none other than the ex-skipper saurav ganguly.
55. what is ganguly doing here?? was he not supposed to be selecting cheerleaders. some couch that is.
56. and now sehwag and raina come to party. they are rotating the strike well.
57. dada is doing a lot of hard running for raina.
58. sehwag finishes his century.
59. indian spectators celebrate.
60. ravi shastri is at the boundary. he is speaking to the kiwi coach. and ravi is all smiles.
61. kiwi coach, now has had enough, gets frustrated, and slaps ravi shastri. its happening all around.
62. ravi shastri throws the mic. he is no more a commentator. and he is joining the indian spectators to celebrate and dance with every shot.
63. dada is still running hard.
64. india is 299/8 in 43.4 overs. india need 44 runs in 20 balls.
65. sehwag plays a sweep, ball gone fine, fielder after it.
66. sehwag wants a third one, dada is breathless, a good throw, and dada is well short of the crease. raina is out!
67. india is 301/9 in 43.5 overs. need 42 runs in 19 balls
68. amit mishra comes to bat.
69. sehwag is keeping the strike with himself. he starts hitting the ball hard.
70. sehwag on strike. it is 45.5 overs. India need 19 runs to win from 7 balls.
71. plays the ball to the covers for a single. vettori uses his feet to drag the ball outside the boundary for 4 runs! how shrewd is that. misra will take the strike now. but unfortunately, it is fair by the rules of the book.
72. end of over. sehwag loses the strike. india need 15 of 6 balls. misra on strike.
73. misra misses the first one. sehwag goes to him and speaks. 15 of 5 balls now.
74. the next one hits misra in the pads. sehwag runs. misra runs. it's a leg-bye! 14 of 4 balls!! sehwag on strike.
75. And 4!
And another 4!! 2 consecutive boundaries. india need 6 of 2 balls. sehwag is turning it around.
76. the next one is hit to the covers, sehwag wants two. they should get it.
77. there is some confusion. misra is not sure. sehwag runs half way but has to return. they only get 1!! what a disaster...
78. last ball. misra on strike. 5 required. have they lost it?
79. sehwag goes to misra. he says - misra, you have to send it to the boundary.
80. mills bowls. misra swings. they run. ball goes straight to the fielder. its a single!!
81. sehwag is down on his feet. kiwis are celebrating. its a silent stadium.
82. but...
83. camera on umpire. and what is this. his right hand is up. its a no ball!!!
84. vettori is walking to the umpire.
85. sehwag and misra are standing there, confused.
86. umpire tells vettori the bowler over-stepped. confusion all around.
87. what a time for a no ball!
88. there will be another last ball. india needs 3. sehwag on strike.
89. mills to sehwag, sehwag connects, its up in the air..long-on fielder vettori getting under it.
90. and...
91. he has caught it. he is jubilant. kiwi supporters go up.
92. sehwag’s head is down. but so are the kiwis. whats wrong here?
93. and vettori it is. he is standing outside the boundary line. newzealand has lost this match!!!
94. it is a six as he had crossed the boundary!! vettori's celebration did not long last. india has won!!!
95. background music. spectators are actually crying emotionally...
96. crowd celebrates. its a celebration like never before.
97. india has won the match. sehwag is God.
98. that makes him Sehwag. capital first letter for only two in this blog.
99. indians are dancing.
100. and it had stopped raining completely. prayers to rain God are answered finally.
101. it is not raining in newzealnd at all!!
102. indians spectators keep dancing all day.
103. still, no signs of rain. there is none.
104. vettori fired as newzealand captain.
105. he had to go to africa. he is the cricket captain for sudan team now.
106. Sehwag and misra are heroes. after all Sehwag has done a bhuvan. misra has done a kachra.
106. the bhang today was not so bad.
107. wait a minute, why am i fantasizing about the match when it is actually being played here on TV.

108. and why was it sounding like lagaan?

109. let me go up, and read it all over again….

110. goto point 17: ‘khaane ko roti nahin hoga, pehanhe ko kapda nahin hoga, duguna lagaan dena hoga';
goto point 10: 'kya kar raha hai bhuvan, sambhal ke khel'.

111. they’re all there – goli, bagha, lakha, ismail, eesar kaka, guran, bhoora…etc
112. sorry to leave out radha and princess elizabeth, but give me break. women’s day was 2 days ago.

ps. it was just a dream. ravi shastri should feel safe and not worry about recession. he still has a job.

A long story, cut short

It was a typical Indian summer of the nineties in a north Indian city. People stayed indoors. Much needed relief was provided by desert coolers and water-melons. Schools had summer vacations and mothers stopped their kids from venturing out to play cricket in the scorching sun. Since internet had still not come to India, kids had no choice but to read Raj Comics. Nagraj and Super Commando Dhruv were the order of the day. The only time kids came out was when the Kulfi waala would come with his ringing bell to sell the kulfis in all traditional flavors, ranging from pistachio and mango, to cardamom and saffron.

The corner house between the main street and dusty bylane was unusually quite that day. Our little protagonist, in his 11th year, was trying hard since morning to impress his mother by doing all the chores that he would normally loathe. He had gotten up early to bring milk from the dairy, he had watered the plants, and had taken the dog out for a walk. He had filled both the coolers with water, and was pretending to do his summer school homework, when he was not making himself useful around the house. The mother was obviously aware of the happenings, and was waiting for the evening, when he would ask her to let him out for a game of cricket.

It was 15 minutes past 5 in the evening, and the pleading started. The mother would not give in easily. It was a mind game both had learnt to play well. Her no never meant a no, and he knew that. He went on trying, for he was convinced that she was killing time so that the sun would come down a bit, and the heat would be less intense. He had predicted the buffer time correctly, and she agreed in 20 minutes. The game was to start at 5:45, and his calculations were going good so far. He was feeling lucky.

It took him less than 5 minutes to sprint to the barren piece of land, where boys twice his age had started assembling. He was, by far, the youngest, and tiniest in the gang. The teams were decided and the toss was done. His team captain was a dark and burly lad named Mahender, who was the oldest of all. In his late twenties, Mahender was the self professed leader of the gang. Nobody challenged him or his decision as he was sort of a local goon in the neighborhood. Rumors were rife that he carried a rampuri, Indian slang for a knife used in boy fights.

Our little protagonist did not mind that all that. He was only interested in a little batting, which he knew he would get in the end only if he was lucky, and for that he will have to field all the time. The game was to go for 4 innings, where every team was to play 2 innings of 10 overs each. It was a unique combination of one-day cricket and test-cricket in the neighborhood, a concept that Mahender had come up with, and was extremely pompous about it.

Mahender’s team started to bat first. The opposition strike bowlers did a fine job to take the first 6 wickets in 7 overs. Our boy was the last one to go and bat, when Mahender and Vinod, the opponent captain intervened to declare that the innings was over. He ran up to Mahender to remind him that he was in the team too. His heart sank when they laughed and told him that he was a kachhi ghodi. He did not know what a kachhi ghodi was. He was told that his participation was always considered inconsequential, and his runs did not count. They had to go on with the game to finish all 4 innings, lest it gets dark, and he would not be allowed to bat. His world shattered, as he tried to hide the lump in his throat. His hard work since morning and all the pleading flashed before his eyes. He could not make much of what kachhi ghodi was, except that for him being kachhi ghodi was like being cheated.

As the opposition team opening batsmen were about to take guard, he decided he would not let them cheat him so easily. There was very little time on his hands. He ran to Mahender to make one last ditch effort, and said he would do anything to get his chance to bat. Mahender would not budge and wanted to go ahead with the proceedings, when our little protagonist made him an offer. He promised to treat everybody with a kulfi after the game. Mahender was taken aback and went silent for a few seconds. He had to give it a serious thought. This was his chance to prove to others how he duped the little boy and negotiated a fabulous deal for all of them. After a quick word with Vinod, our boy was asked to take guard. He had 3 overs to play, all to himself. And since he knew his runs won’t be counted, he was in no particular hurry. He defended the good balls, and sent 2 of the bad ones to the boundary. Everybody was enjoying the show, as the news about kulfi treat was out. For a change, the interest in cricket was taken over by an interest in free kulfis.

For the next 90 minues, people went through the motions before calling it a day. Needless to say, the little boy got to bat in the second innings as well. It was time to hit the kulfi vendor. After everybody had tap water at the vendor’s tiny shop, they started ordering. When all of them had ordered, they looked at the little boy, who promptly took out a battered 5 rupee note from his pocket and handed it to the kulfi waala. Mahender was shocked and asked him to pay 65 rupees, as there were 13 of them. Our little boy promptly remarked he only had 5 rupees and would only pay for himself. And when Mahender growled and asked him who would pay for the rest, he said in a meek tone – ‘ I don’t know. You all are kachhi ghodis. You don’t really get to eat the kulfis.’