Cricket, Beer and a day away from Office

It's Thursday, half past 7 pm. I bunked office today. Bunked is perhaps the wrong word. That's what I did to lectures . And flunked is what I did to courses. And junked is what I have been doing to myself. Just like a true-blue-junkie (TBJ).

Anyways, I skipped office because I was not well. I swear I was not. Not well, that is. And to kill the home-alone loneliness, I had a lot of beer. With Lanka-Kiwi match beginning with a thrilling start, I wonder what I like more - cricket or beer? It was certainly cricket when I was a kid, but that is primarily because I was not introduced to the golden drops then. Things have changed now. Cricket has many competitors - EPL, F1, women and Gold Flake lights. But beer definitely takes the cake. Wait, let me add chocolate cake to that list. When India was humiliated by Bangladesh (people who are reading this in 2155 AD, India lost to Bangladesh in World Cup 2007 and was eliminated in the first round. For more info on Cricket, please visit your local museum), allegations were made on Chappel and BCCI and Dravid and advertising and what-not. Anyone or anything could be responsible. I have this intution that alcoholism is the cause and the Indian players are drinking too much and not focusing o the game.

Which brings us to a very important subject - what goes on in those Indian team daaru sessions. Here is how I feel it goes:

• 8 pm : Looking at his belly, Sehwag is most fond of beer. He assembles everyone in the dressing room and collects money for daaru and ciggarates. He then sends Uthappa (earlier, it was Parthiv Patel) to fetch the same from the wine shop.
• 8:15 pm : When Uthappa leaves, Munaf Patel is sent to bring peanuts and wafers.
• 8:20 pm : Bhajji is explaining Sreesanth how to hold drinks and drink slowly and respect seniors in daaru sessions. Dada comes around, and Bhajji leaves to suck-up to him.
• 8:30 pm : Chappel and Dravid are back from media interviews and they go - " Saalon, daaru nahin aayi abhi tak?"
• 8:35 pm : Uthappa is back with 2 crates of beer, 5 bottles of Johnnie Walker Black Label and 1 bottle of Old-Monk rum for himself and Dinesh Kartik. These guys are still not used to high-end daaru.
• 8:40 pm : Sachin exclaims - "Aaila, itni daaru kaun piyega?"
• 8:45 pm : Yuvraj comes out of his room and everybody breathes a sigh of relief.
• 9 pm : They start drinking. Agarkar is most enthu and throws up after 1 beer and 3 bottoms-up of large whisky. Chappel and Dravid give a disgusted look and remark - "kyun pilaate ho isko?"
• 10 pm : Yuvraj, Zaheer, Dhoni and Irfan Pathan are drinking religiously.
• 11 pm : Bhajji once again gets hold of Sreesanth and makes him dance to 'Kajra re Kajra re'. Dada joins him without his shirt. They get really cosy. Chappel maintains his disgusted look, while Kumble is happy clicking away snaps.
• 11:30 pm : Sehwag has taken his drink, gone to a corner, and is chatting with his wife on phone. He has something else on his mind, which is definitely not cricket.
• 11:45pm : Yuvraj, Zaheer, Dhoni and Irfan Pathan are still drinking religiously.
• 12:45 am : Sachin and Ganguly are going real slow with their drinks. They want to last long, but their contribution to finishing the daaru bulk is minimal.
• 1 am : Munaf Patel is next to become talli, but he leaves before anyone knows and pukes in the gloomy darkness of his room.
• 1:30 am : Dravid is feeling intoxicated, and he makes a neat coke for himself. So does Chappel, and they move to another room to discuss politics. Sachin follows them.
• 2:00 am : Bhajji is asking Sreesanth to play bhangra numbers from Daler Paaji, while Sreesanth is more interested in Pink Flyod.
• 2:30 am : Yuvraj, Zaheer, Dhoni and Irfan Pathan are still drinking religiously. Daaru is almost over. Dhoni is all enthu about going to a bar on his bike to get more daaru. He cons Dinesh Kartik to come along. On the way, Dhoni gives fundaes to Karthik about safe driving, safe sex, and safe wicket-keeping. The cops nab them outside a dance-bar for drunken driving.
• 2:45 am : Sreesanth and Bhajji are telling Dada that he is their best friend and how they look up to him.
• 3:00 am : Everybody is sloshed. 5 of them have puked. Kumble is taking pictures of puke lying all over.
• 7 am : Yuvraj is the only one alive in the dressing room waiting for more daaru. He walks towards Manditra Bedi's room to ask if she has some. As he is about to knock, Chaaru Sharma's door opens and out comes Mandira.

That's all for the day!! Time to catch up with real cricket.