Saturday Thoughts

Coach Fletcher agrees Indian team should play more Cricket

2011-10-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

Kolkata: Indian cricket coach Duncan Fletcher has jumped in support of BCCI President N Srinivasan in lashing out at critics who complain about 'too much cricket' being played by the Indian team, and the effect it has on Indian team's performance. Coach Fletcher was speaking at a press conference after Indian ODI victory against England at the Eden Gardens, and praised the team after the 5-0 series whitewash. N.Srinivasan had earlier cited India's unassailable 3-0 lead against England to rubbish the complaint a few days ago.

"The team should play more cricket, which gives opportunities to younger players like Ajinkya Rahane and Varun Aaron to display their talent at the highest level. Look at the 10 test playing nations today, they all played cricket today with 5 ongoing cricket series going on simultaneously. The people across the world want entertainment, and it is our duty as entertainers to keep them happy. We have customers to please." - pointed Fletcher. It may be noted that Fletcher had a massage parlor in Zimbabwe before Hyper-Inflation during the Robert Mugabe regime forced him to look for other career options. The massage parlor business also carried the slogan 'We have customers to please'.

He further added that after people do not want Sehwag to sell cement or Harbhajan to sell Royal Stag whiskey, and the crowd would rather want them to perform on field all year long. "Harbhajan has been dropped because he started drinking too much Royal Stag, which would get worse whenever his girlfriend asked - Have you made it large? This is what happens when you focus too much on endorsing the brands, and it starts having a psychological impact. The advice I give to all younger players is to leave the selling to salesgirls, and focus on the game if they really want to make it large. Don't worry about the money. BCCI can introduce more concepts like the IPL."

When probed by media-persons about special plans on Diwali, particularly after the emphatic series win, he wished the country a very happy Diwali and added that they are planning to hold the celebrations till the only T-20 encounter against England on 29th October, which also happens to be the birthday of Varun Aaron, the pacer from Jharkhand whose full name is Varun Raymond Aaron David Weatherall, but has fondly been rechristened as 'Ra.One' in the Indian dressing room. "We are planning to have a party on Saturday, and Harbhajan Singh has graciously agreed to come down and perform on Chammak Challo" - he remarked. When asked whether there are plans to fly some of the massage girls from Zimbabwe for the party, he refused to comment.

Just another day in WC2011

2011-03-08T02:01:00.001-08:00

Zaheer and Dhoni

2011-03-07T23:26:00.001-08:00

Overcoming the Delhi Winter

2011-02-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

Today, the midnight of 17th of February, I announce the end of Delhi Winter. It's going to be a warm and sunny world cup (during the first innings - thanks to flood lights), the perfect weather for the game.

A lot of sacrifices were made during the last three months, my first winter in Delhi. One dark night, 5 mattresses, 4 rajai's, 4 friends sleeping over at home, 1 thin blanket, and my atithi-devo-bhav jazba taught me the lesson of the winter. Never bite more than you can chew.

As the season turns around and mercury rises from the ashes, two lines that sum up my battle with the cold.

Dilli ki thand-ba,
Fir bhi ghamand-ba.

The best Vada Pav

2011-02-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

I have spent the best years of my life in the city of Vada Pav eaters, so it comes as no surprise that I became fond of it. Never really considered it an unhygienic unhealthy street food. I have some friends who are very particular about their Vada Pav, and accept no compromise on the way they like theirs. The place, the size, the amount (and state) of chutney, the color of green chilly - it's all important.

At times, people have compared Vada Pav joints across Bombay and Pune. Which ones are better? I find that argument, and the listing of hot Vada Pav joints in each city, silly. The best Vada Pav does not belong to any city. It is really beyond the demographic barriers.

I started for Bombay from Pune Station in a Shivneri Volvo. Had a small bottle of water and followed it up with a small bottle of Nimbooz. It was too bad that the bus took 90 minutes to cross the city. And trust me, the speed of bus has been found to be inversely proportional to the rate at which the kidneys and bladder function. By the time we hit the expressway, the pressure had built up. I really had to go.

As time went by, it became more and more difficult to survive. The road stretched far and wide, and there seemed no end to the agony. After counting till 1357, during which it came to my mind thrice to ask the driver to pull over, during which I contemplated twice about filling up the Nimbooz bottle once again, and during which I thought about a business with innovative products to help people in such situations on the road, the bus finally stopped at a food mall. And I ran.

I emerged out of the washroom after two minutes, content and satisfied, with the biggest smile on my face. It was time to refuel. Went to the nearest food outlet and asked for a Vada Pav.

Like I said, the best Vada Pav does not belong to any city. It is beyond the demographic barriers of Bombay or Pune. It is really served on the Bombay Pune expressway.

A one night stand

2010-12-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

India 136
South Africa 620/4 declared
India 454/8
India trail by 30 runs with 2 wickets remaining at the end of fourth days play.

*Sachin Tendulkar 107
*Sreesanth 3

Can we save it? There is a reason where India follows a multi-God structure. SACHIN God has played HIS part. It's time for RAIN God. Let ths Raveena's and Sridevi's come out and start dancing in low-cut-blouj(with a J)-sarees to please the God.

It rained 12 overs before the scheduled end of fourth days play. SACHIN God forbid, if RAIN God is not with us tomorrow, we must take control in our hands. (pun unintended)

The drainage in India sucks during rains because people eat Manikchand Gutkha, and throw the wrappers all around (not to forget the red stains caused by spitting, but it's not that important tonight).

I urge all Indians in and around Centurian to pack up their bags with Manikchand (or any other gutkha/jarda/khaini) and chew as much tobacco as they can around the stadium. Littering is really bad, and most of us must stand against it. But tonight, let us do it baby!

An old poetry which will be the guiding light to all tobacco warriors:

Aavaa marda, khaava jarda...
thook thook ke college bharda.

Inception - a PAF review

2010-08-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

Draws were announced. Christopher Nolan and guys from Warner Brothers and Legendary Pictures were glad to become partners. And why not, Christopher Nolan had done a wonderful job last year with The Dark Knight, bagging the award in all categories.

So the meeting started with Maggi Bonda on the table, and Chris proposed a fantasy, where people would float against gravity. Pete from Warner Bro's would have none of it. He asked Chris why another fantasy again after The Dark Knight, and Chris got furious while trying to explain that TDK was not really a fantasy, but a fiction. They argued on fantasy and fiction for 15 minutes before Jack from Legendary Pictures shut them up, and banned the two F words.

As Jack put things into perspective, the two started a more friendlier discussion. It was a thief story in which Leo steals information and goes into an S-zone(with zero gravity) where no cop could beat him at his own game. Pete agreed on fantasy, but now wanted Chris to go overboard with it. Pete said something like, "Saale is fantasy mein prod aur special effects ka bahut scope hai. Humara prod team achha hai, 3 saal se best prod humko mila hai. Is bar bahut saare prod banaayenge". Chris had a hard time explaining to him that one zero gravity fight is enough, and anything else may be booed if it does not fit in the story. "Junta OAT mein daya-daya kar degi, aur ab toh mobile bhi niklenge. Sarhad bhool gaye, special effects ki maari thi?"

The decision was left to Jack again. Jack knew that judges are unpredictable, and a thought went to Far from Vietnam. This is what he said.
"Abey bakchodi karo, lekin justify karo warna junta maar legi. Special effects aur prod zyaada karna hai toh story ko justify karna padega, alag alag prod rakho lekin alag alag zone ke liye, aur special effects daal denge kyunki har zone mein time alag alag chalaayenge.......chamka? abey dekh, jaise S-zone ke alaawa T-zone, V-zone".

A freshie, oops, junior associate from Warner Bros. interrupted "haan jaise Green Zone, Red Zone, Blue Zone..."

Admist shouts of "Kya fart hai, saala freshie,iski maa &^%$ do, bumps!!", nobody could hear what Chris and Jack were discussing.

Next morning, Chris had a class where the prof was talking about functions within functions. He tried to concentrate hard at the blackboard.It was difficult with the hangover. He had gone to this class only for the second time, dreading an XX. He did not even know the course name properly. But he listened.

End of that day, he went to his room and wrote the DREAM sequence. It was 5 in the morning when he finished writing, and headed straight to Maddu Mess.

Music Trivia

2010-06-12T21:05:00.001-07:00

Q. What is Scott Adams' favorite Bollywood song?
A. Dilbert Dilbert, haan, Dilbert Dilbert.
Hosh na khabar hai, ye kaisa asar hai,
Tumse milne ke baad Dilbert.
Dilbert Dilbert, haan, Dilbert Dilbert.

A Soowar, drawn on a Saturday

2010-06-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

I decided that Saturday mornings should be dedicated to art. So here I am, trying to teach everyone how to make a pig in MS Paint, in 5 simple steps.

She Said

2010-04-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

He loved his long hair, his beard his mustache and his goatee. He did not know no music, but he was a rockstar in his own world.

One say she said - I don't like your hair.
He got a hair-cut.

Then one day, she said - I don't like your facial hair.
He got rid of his beard and mustache.

Then one day she said - I don't like your facial hair at all. Your goatee looks stupid.
He had a goatee for 10 years. Sadly, he got rid of his goatee. Deep down inside, he knew that it wasn't a stupid goatee.

Many years passed by. He did everything she said.

Then one day, she said - I don't like your kidney.
He had to give it away to someone who needed it more. It was now difficult with just one kidney.

And then, on one rainy day, she said - I don't like your kidney at all.
It was his last monsoon.

Complex Problem, Simple Solution

2010-03-19T03:29:00.000-07:00

Problem: WAGs pester you all the time with the question 'Have I put on weight?' or 'Have I become fat?'. There is no correct answer. Isn't it?
Solution: On their next birthday, give them a weighing machine!

The Greatest Batsman Ever

2010-03-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

As Sachin Tendulkar went up to collect the Man-of-the-Match award after Mumbai Indians beat Delhi Daredevils comprehensively at DD's home ground, the entire Delhi crowd roared in applause. Not even the slightest hint of hostility. This was kind of a first in IPL.

Anjum Chopra, who is a die-hard Delhi Daredevils fan, remarked from the studio - When Sachin is on a song, no matter who he is playing against, you want him to go on.

A banner from Delhi supporter read after the match, "SACHIN जहाँ, हम वहाँ ".

Meelord, it is an open and shut case.

Road, Movie Review

2010-03-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

So we went to see this movie. It was a pretty empty theater, and there were 4 of us. In the same row, there were three girls, whistling every time Abhay Deol took off his shirt. Abhay Deol is one of the finest actors of our times. Not to mention, he is the only one who is not beefy-bodied and flaunts body hair. That makes a lot of us relate to him easily. It's either him, or the pot bellied dudes from South Indian movies. Cheeru once said that it helps in setting the expectations right for a lot of women.

The movie is about Vishnu(Deol), who does not want to get into his father's oil business. I wonder why. Specially because the oil makes one mard, which would make it a highly profitable business. All he needs to do is send mass emails to people about his oil, and ensure that it does not go into the spam folder, like those Viagra emails we all get.

The movie is also about the good old rotund Satish Kaushik, who is called 'Chacha'. Chacha is a cool dude, who likes laughing and dancing after smoking pot from a chillam. Chacha gets the best line in the movie, when he remarks to Vishnu - 'Dil toh hai tere paas, lekin do pairon ke beech mein'. The girls sitting next to us could not stop laughing at this joke, as GJ blushed. GJ later had very funny jokes to make, which he said loud enough for those girls to hear. GJ is sleeping in his room alone. I don't understand why - the jokes were funny indeed.

Anyways, people thought the movie is adapted from Cinema Paradiso, which it certainly isn't. It is a hitchhike through the desert on an old 1940 antique-truck-cum-movie-theater. It is not exactly a celebration of movies, but it does show glimpses of old classics like Deewaar(projected on Police Station's Deewaar). In one of such glimpses, we see Rekha dancing in Umrao Jaan, which makes a very drunk and horny inspector run after village women in the audience, shouting 'Aurat, Aurat...'. His vulgar behavior can only be attributed to the Old Monk rum that he is shown drinking before the movie screening.

If you like driving on a highway aimlessly, like a chai on a dhaabha, this movie is for you. Except that this 'chai' is very different, and certainly no Starbucks, as pointed out by Chhotu in the movie. However, for the fluttering reels shown in the movie, and brilliant cinematography, I would give 3 stars. (These are genuine stars, not like the ones I gave Pyaar Impossible).

SMS marketing and Valentine's day

2010-02-14T02:08:00.000-08:00

SMS offers are the latest in-thing. So, this dude got a message on Valentine's day.

AA-Offer
Only for you! Treat your Valentine with Special Sundae at any Baskin Robbins parlour for just Rs 129. Valid from 12-14 Feb 2010. Show SMS to avail offer!

This is by-far the latest development in push-Marketing mechanisms. With bulk SMS rates falling by the day, marketing has never been this cheap.

But then, it's not just marketing which is cheap. This dude forwarded the SMS to his loved one with a line, 'Go have a Special Sundae and send me the bill. :-D'

The loved one, however, did not find it funny. He got dumped on V-day.

Do I see a smiling Shiv Sainik somewhere?

Pyaar Impossible - Movie Review

2010-01-08T14:39:00.000-08:00

Silpa Parivaar went to watch Pyaar Impossible. We reached a little late, and we missed two important things:

1. Pre-Movie urination ritual
2. Buying pop-corn and coke

We also missed something which was not so important
3. First 15 minutes of the movie

However, missing on pop-corn and coke was not to be. The movie gave enough chances to walk out and buy food. I walked out after 30 minutes, and came back after another half an hour with a tray of food, including a nice and juicy chicken burger. Fortunately, it said ‘Intermission’, as I walked in again.

The romantic-“comedy”(pun intended) is about Alisha (Priyanka Chopra) who is a single mother with a 6 year old daughter. They live in Singapore. Even though she’s the marketing head in a software company, she does not make enough money. This is evident from that the fact that she and her daughter wear each others’ clothes, specially shorts, all the time.

Then there is one of my favourite actors, Uday Chopra. However, this time around he does not live up to expectations and keeps his clothes on throughout the movie. UC's bulging biceps are so in your face that it creates a 3D effect, and you feel a little less bad about not getting Avatar tickets. Anyways, it seemed the entire costumes budget has been allocated for UC, and PC is left out in the cold, ‘like that’ only. Then there was this scene when she was wearing a torn t-shirt. My friend tells me that it’s an off-shoulder thing. Huh, like you would believe that!!

The movie also is about a software which integrates all computer and mobile operating systems. The software is designed by UC, the geek. The bad dude steals the software, but in the end the good geek wins because the bad guy does not know the password. He gets screwed in front of millions who are watching the software company’s software launch coverage. This is when the geek walks in. 3(arguably 4) out of 6 members of Silpa Parivar gave a standing ovation when the geek walks the slow-walk with shutterbugs clicking away. Bur we had to sit when people behind us started using 'unparliamentary' language. So in the end, the geek is seen romancing the pretty girl, while the CEO screams to save his pants in front of the whole world - ‘Arey koi mujhe password bataao’. Go watch the movie to know the password.

Jugal Hansraj has directed the movie. He makes a wise decision by trying an alternate profession here. He’ll soon have to try out another new profession.

I went to the movie with a headache and fever, and came out with only a fever. And for that I give the movie 4 and a half stars out of 5. (half star is for the chicken burger). I would have given more, but I was playing Bricksbreaker during only-most-of-the-movie. My highest score was 9960.

Do Panktiyaan

2009-12-15T04:33:00.000-08:00

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
And I have promises to keep,
But first, let me sleep,
And maybe later we can do the miles in a jeep.

ps. Line 3 is for Manasi. And line 4 is totally tentative. Do not hold me ransom on that.

Another long story, cut short

2009-10-07T05:47:00.000-07:00

It was a cloudy morning of August. Traffic was moving slowly from Parihar Chowk bus stop in Aundh towards Pune Infotech Park. The puddles on the road were providing no help to the traffic flow either. Some notorious drivers were splashing dirty black water, with little concern for those waiting for 6-seaters, the commonly used public transport.

Raghu always chose Parihar Chowk bus stop for the hunt. He had just started working, and his apartment, which he shared with 2 other friends, was walking distance from the point. While his room-mates preferred the reliable 6-seaters or autos to go to office, he always waited for a lift. That was a point where cars usually slowed down to take a left or a right, and Raghu knew that the chances of a driver giving in to his thumb-charms were enhanced when the car was at its slowest speed. He had his strategy in place. His timing while asking for the lift was perfect. He got a lift everyday.

Vishal was also waiting at Parihar Chowk. He was a small-town boy, and new in the city of Pune. Like almost every other person waiting there, he too was destined for one of the swanky software company offices at the Infotech Park. He was late today, and had missed the 9:30 6-seater. He hoped that another one would come by soon.

It had started to drizzle. Raghu was not worried as he missed the 9:30 6-seater. He knew he would find a lift. He was so sure that he had started being selective recently. The lift wasn't that important - the right car was. He preferred classy people driving big air-conditioned cars for his ride to the office. He always made a perfect conversation, and the drivers were so impressed with the young boy that some of them even asked for his resume and offered him a job. Ofcourse Raghu never sent his resume. He wanted a lift, not a job.

Vishal contemplated taking an auto, but autos were too expensive, and he did not want to spend 100 bucks for a ride to office. He hated to haggle with the auto-waalas. He was certainly not the kinds who would ask for a lift, though secretly he wished that someone would stop by, and give him a ride to his office. An auto-waala stopped near him, asked if he was interested, and Vishal politely denied. The auto-waala drove off, spitting pan and swearing in Hindi.

Raghu was singing a song in the light drizzle, when lightning struck. He had waited for some time now, and it was about to rain heavily. Was he running out of luck today? He tried to dispel the thoughts. He decided that he will charm the hell out of the driver today, and insist that he be dropped right in front of his office gate. He had done it before, and he knew he will do it today. As he was rejoicing thinking about his past achievements, it started pouring. He began his frantic attempts and started asking everyone for a lift, but it seemed it wasn't his day today. It was raining heavily now. With no auto or shelter around, it took only a few minutes before he was completely drenched. Office was out of question now.

Raghu reluctantly started his walk back home. He felt dejected. He knew there was no point in crying in the rain, as nobody would notice his tears anyways. He smiled at the irony. He would go home today, and analyse what went wrong today. His self-confidence had taken a hit, and for a moment he toyed with the idea of taking a 6-seater like regular people.

Vishal was still at the bus stop when it started to drizzle. There was no 6-seater in sight, and Vishal knew that it would take a miracle now for him to reach office on time.

It had just started pouring and Vishal was scurrying for cover when a shiny metallic Honda City stopped next to him. Raghu opened the door for Vishal, and asked him to hop on. It was raining heavily now, but both of them were cruising down the road without a worry.

Pleasantries were exchanged, and they were chatting about weather, work, and roads. Vishal could not stop thanking Raghu, whom he preferred calling Sir, inspite of Raghu's insistence that he be called Raghu. It was only when they were about to reach that Raghu asked him - 'Boy! why did you not ask for a lift.'? Vishal had no answer. He started stuttering - 'Err...I was about to....I was actually waiting for...err...'.

'Never mind' - interrupted Raghu. 'You know it was about to rain heavily. I wish somebody had stopped for me like this 5 years back'.

'Tu' cents on 'Tu'borg

2009-09-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

Bhaiya, this is how it is. Tuborg beer bottle is the biggest invention after internet. Period.

Infact, it comes close to being the biggest invention in the history of mankind. Okay, wheel was a great invention, but what good is a wheel when you are having pizza.

Tuborg is changing the whole game in the beer market of India. With all foreign brands now brewing here in India, including Budweiser, Carlsberg, Corona, Tiger et al. - Kingfisher is going to face a tough time ahead. And with innovations such as that in Tuborg, the importance of design and packaging takes critical importance. Tuborg bottle proves and God loves us and wants us to be lazily happy and happily lazy.

For those who haven't tried it, go grab a bottle. Do not worry about an opener or a nail-cutter, or strong teeth, or any other niche skill. To sum it all up, I'll quote a friend whose statement could be the best jingle/punchline for Tuborg ads in India.

He remarked after a few pints, when his bladder was gladder - "Ab main bhi khol sakta hoon".

ps. Cannot help but remember Goti's way to toast. Arz kiya hai, Chee-arz.

Rahul Dravid and PAANCH kahaaniyaan

2009-04-05T19:01:00.001-07:00

Rahul Dravid made a strange record today. He broke the record of Mark Waugh's 181 catches in test cricket by catching Tim McIntosh in the slips, of a Zaheer Khan'ner, to dismiss him and to complete his 182nd. What a glorious day!!!

To add more dope to the story, here are five little known facts about Rahul Dravid:

1. Hot looks
He once looked like Romesh Powar. But girls did not like it much. (I wonder why??). So he worked on his looks, used a lot of Fair and Handsome, worked out in the gym to become a lean-mean-sex-machine (LMSM), and even went to Baba Bangali, to increase his height. And boom…he converted into Rahul Dravid. Chicks dig him now.

I wonder, what is wrong with these girls. Is Romesh Powar not obviously better looking than Rahul Dravid?

2. Love-hate Bhajji
Rahul Dravid’s accepts that his only failure was not being able to tame Harbhajan Singh. He recalls telling Bhajji several times to appeal like normal bowlers, i.e. by jumping on the pitch, raising hands, and keeping the mouth open. However, Bhajji continues to appeal by running on the pitch backwards, towards the batsman, taking little baby steps. Only Rahul knows that Bhajji will fall one day.

3. Aam ka Aachaar
Contrary to common conception, Rahul Dravid does not like bread and ‘Sil’ jam. He does not like any jam (traffic included), for that matter. He likes mango pickle instead. He loves mango pickle so much that he once tried to steal it from Veerendra Sehwag’s plate, who was having it with Aloo Parathe te extra makhhan. Rahul Dravid got beaten up real bad that day.

Since that day, Dravid dreads Sehwag. He does not open with Sehwag, and when Sehwag falls(he's the first one to fall always), Dravid goes in to bat one down. That way, he does not get to spend any time with Sehwag, on the field, or in the pavilion.

4. The Cushion
When he was new to the team, and the team management met to debate whether he should be nick named ‘The Wall’, for his ability to stay at the crease, or ‘The Cushion’, for his ability to irritate and embarrass the team by dropping the ball at his feet everytime it made contact with the bat, all votes went in favor of ‘The Cushion’. He later took Dada, the then skipper, out and treated him to Fish Tikka Masla.

Yes, you guessed it right. It was a bribe for changing the name to ‘The Wall’.

5. Main hoon DON
When Dravid was not born, his parents went to a pundit. The pundit was a huge fan of Amitabh Bachhan starrer ‘Don’, and was watching cricket that time.

Legend goes that the pundit blessed the unborn boy by saying – ‘Gyaarah desh ke bowlers iske peeche honge, par isko out karma mushkil bhi nahin, naamoomkin hoga’.

Note: I apologize to Sethji, who is the biggest fan of Rahul Dravid, if I have hurt his sentiments. Sethji, ofcourse he is a great player, and may he live 182 years. But still, Sachin bhai is better.

ps. For photo gallery of Romesh Powar, please visit http://www.chakpak.com/celebrity/ramesh-powar/41773

Tryst with destiny

2009-03-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

On August 14, 1947, at the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world slept, India awoke to life and freedom.

Yesterday, at the stroke of midnight hour, I awoke to Santa and Banta Singh, who had come to my place with a few beers and wanted to spend the night at my place. Now these two, unlike Santa-Banta reputation, are smart people. Santa is a JAVA and PHP programmer. Banta is even smarter. He is not a JAVA and PHP programmer.

After 3 hours and a dozen beers, three of us were watching the last day of the India-NewZealand 2nd test on TV. It was going to be an uphill task to save the test. As Jeeten Patel bowled to Sachin, Santa, who was busy writing code all this while, took his eyes off his laptop and asked - 'Why are we watching Maharashtra-Gujarat Ranji match?'. Now Banta, true to his initials, is full of BS. Cheekily, he remarked - 'Because the winner will play Punjab in the finals’. This response was more than enough for Santa to get interested. ‘So, who is playing for Punjab’? – he fired another one.

And then Banta Singh responded with a list – which was quite appalling.

1. Harbhajan Singh
2. Navjot Singh Sidhu
3. Maninder Singh
4. Reetinder Singh Sodhi
5. Bishen Singh Bedi
6. Balwinder Singh Sandhu
7. Tara Singh (of Gadar fame)
8. Deva (opening batsman from Lagaan)
9. Happy (from Singh is King)
10. Lucky (from Singh is King)
11. Ghanta Singh (introducing Ghanta, Santa-Banta’s friend from their village)

This atrocious response was good enough for Santa. He was pretty pleased with the team, as their best friend Ghanta had made it big. I changed channels to divert their attention from cricket discussion. A movie was on – ‘Dil Vil Pyaar Vyaar’, where three protagonists, played by Sanjay Suri, Madhavan and Jimmy Shergill decide to enter a singing and musical competition. The events that lead to this competition, and their personal lives, including their romantic ties, is the theme of this movie. In the end, Sanjay Suri’s song, even though it fails to win the competition, ends up healing his girlfriend’s brother, whose legs are paralyzed after a mental trauma.

And then they all come together to sing the final climax-titles song ‘Yaadon ki Baaraat’, with their respective WAGs. The paralysed guy is also up on his feet, walking all around, and even singing. Moreover, he has Sanjay Suri’s sister at his side. It seems, she always had a thing for him.

Santa looked up from his laptop again, curiosity got the better of him again, and he asked – ‘Yeh chautha launda chalne kaise lag gaya? Aur isko bandi kaise mil gayi?’. Banta, who was really high by now, was pretty assertive in his response – ‘Kyon na miley bandi - now toh all three legs are working, hainji?’. I could make out from his sardonic smile that things were going to get worse, and really cheap.

I changed to Discovery channel, only to discover that two turtles were doing it. Lest these two decided to follow suit, I changed to cricket again. Bloody, ‘maa de laadle’, these two are, and watching Santa-Banta into action was the last thing I wanted.

Indian top order was amazing, as they saved the Napier test, retaining the 1-0 lead in the Test series.

Ps. For those to want to know more about Ghanta Singh, please visit http://www.GhantaAndTheCow.com

* Do me a favor, lets play Holi *

2009-03-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

To read till the end...

1. holi today
2. bhang today
3. rains in newzealand every day
4. prayers to rain God every day
5. india newzealand match today
6. high score by newzealand today
7. rains today
8. short match today - india needs 343 of 47 overs (enough of today shit, match starts)
9. shuffle in order, sehwag and yuvraj open, start hitting with the word go.
10. sehwag misses a few, has a realization moment, and makes himself steady.
11. yuvraj is making most of powerplay from the other end.
12. sehwag joins the party.
13. score: 117/0 in 11.2.
14. mills to sehwag, sehwag hits straight, ball touches mill's finger and hits the stumps. yuvraj found short of crease.
15. what a disappointment!!
16. gambhir is in next.
17. ryder provokes him by saying things about india and having nothing to eat, nothing to wear, and high tax rates.
18. gambhir hits ryder for two sixes and a four in three balls.
19 sehwag walks up to gambhir and asks him to calm down and take the situation seriously.
20. what an irony that was - sehwag asking gambhir to calm down.
21. bigger irony - gambhir-the-serious cannot take anything seriously
22. gambhir goes for a wild one, it was way outside off, caught at long on.
23. india 146/2 in 14.4 overs.
24. sachin comes to bat. a full-toss from southee hits him on the head, and he falls on the stumps. sachin has gone for a duck. spectators go silent.
25. india 146/3 in 14.5 overs.
26. raina comes next. sehwag and raina consolidate.
27. raina punishing the bad deliveries well.
28. a quick one from mills hits raina on the ankle.
29. loud appeal for lbw, turned down, raina is also down.
30. raina being taken away on a stretcher. this one looks bad.
31. india 198/3 in 24.5 overs.
32. indian tail exposed.
33. dhoni comes to bat.
34. dhoni is out. 201/4 in 26.1 overs - (if you want to ask me how he got out, ask a dhoni fan, because i am not. goto point 32 and read carefully).
35. yusuf pathan comes to bat.
36. pathan entertains with a few boundaries. so does sehwag.
37. pathan is caught in the gully. 226/5 in 30.5 overs.
38. harbhajan comes to bat. plays 2 shots from over the top of his and wicketkeeper's head for boundaries. some entertainment this guy is.
39. harbhajan dances down the pitch (a skill he learnt after a reality dancing show) to aim a slower full toss from vettori.
40. misses, mcullum makes no mistake. harbhajan is stumped.
41. india is 241/6 in 36.3 overs. looks difficult from here.
42. indian spectators sing a bhajan to praise God. the bhajan says that its only Him who can save them. (english readers, bhajan has got nothing to do with harbhajan)
43. zaheer khan comes to the crease.
44. a loud appeal for an lbw against zaheer, and the finger goes up.
45. india 245/7 in 36.6 overs.
46. ishant sharma comes to the crease.
47. after surviving one over, ishant edges to the wicketkeeper.
48. india is 249/8 in 38.2 overs. 94 required in 52 balls.
49. amit misra is the last one left. raina is injured and retired hurt. he has broken an ankle bone.
50. and i cannot believe it. what a sight!! raina is coming, limping into the ground. and all spectators rise. he bends and touches the field. says a little prayer.
51. crowd roars. historical moment in cricket.
52. sehwag feels confident.
53. surprise does not end here. raina is not alone. he is bringing a runner with him.
54. the runner is none other than the ex-skipper saurav ganguly.
55. what is ganguly doing here?? was he not supposed to be selecting cheerleaders. some couch that is.
56. and now sehwag and raina come to party. they are rotating the strike well.
57. dada is doing a lot of hard running for raina.
58. sehwag finishes his century.
59. indian spectators celebrate.
60. ravi shastri is at the boundary. he is speaking to the kiwi coach. and ravi is all smiles.
61. kiwi coach, now has had enough, gets frustrated, and slaps ravi shastri. its happening all around.
62. ravi shastri throws the mic. he is no more a commentator. and he is joining the indian spectators to celebrate and dance with every shot.
63. dada is still running hard.
64. india is 299/8 in 43.4 overs. india need 44 runs in 20 balls.
65. sehwag plays a sweep, ball gone fine, fielder after it.
66. sehwag wants a third one, dada is breathless, a good throw, and dada is well short of the crease. raina is out!
67. india is 301/9 in 43.5 overs. need 42 runs in 19 balls
68. amit mishra comes to bat.
69. sehwag is keeping the strike with himself. he starts hitting the ball hard.
70. sehwag on strike. it is 45.5 overs. India need 19 runs to win from 7 balls.
71. plays the ball to the covers for a single. vettori uses his feet to drag the ball outside the boundary for 4 runs! how shrewd is that. misra will take the strike now. but unfortunately, it is fair by the rules of the book.
72. end of over. sehwag loses the strike. india need 15 of 6 balls. misra on strike.
73. misra misses the first one. sehwag goes to him and speaks. 15 of 5 balls now.
74. the next one hits misra in the pads. sehwag runs. misra runs. it's a leg-bye! 14 of 4 balls!! sehwag on strike.
75. And 4!
And another 4!! 2 consecutive boundaries. india need 6 of 2 balls. sehwag is turning it around.
76. the next one is hit to the covers, sehwag wants two. they should get it.
77. there is some confusion. misra is not sure. sehwag runs half way but has to return. they only get 1!! what a disaster...
78. last ball. misra on strike. 5 required. have they lost it?
79. sehwag goes to misra. he says - misra, you have to send it to the boundary.
80. mills bowls. misra swings. they run. ball goes straight to the fielder. its a single!!
81. sehwag is down on his feet. kiwis are celebrating. its a silent stadium.
82. but...
83. camera on umpire. and what is this. his right hand is up. its a no ball!!!
84. vettori is walking to the umpire.
85. sehwag and misra are standing there, confused.
86. umpire tells vettori the bowler over-stepped. confusion all around.
87. what a time for a no ball!
88. there will be another last ball. india needs 3. sehwag on strike.
89. mills to sehwag, sehwag connects, its up in the air..long-on fielder vettori getting under it.
90. and...
91. he has caught it. he is jubilant. kiwi supporters go up.
92. sehwag’s head is down. but so are the kiwis. whats wrong here?
93. and vettori it is. he is standing outside the boundary line. newzealand has lost this match!!!
94. it is a six as he had crossed the boundary!! vettori's celebration did not long last. india has won!!!
95. background music. spectators are actually crying emotionally...
96. crowd celebrates. its a celebration like never before.
97. india has won the match. sehwag is God.
98. that makes him Sehwag. capital first letter for only two in this blog.
99. indians are dancing.
100. and it had stopped raining completely. prayers to rain God are answered finally.
101. it is not raining in newzealnd at all!!
102. indians spectators keep dancing all day.
103. still, no signs of rain. there is none.
104. vettori fired as newzealand captain.
105. he had to go to africa. he is the cricket captain for sudan team now.
106. Sehwag and misra are heroes. after all Sehwag has done a bhuvan. misra has done a kachra.
106. the bhang today was not so bad.
107. wait a minute, why am i fantasizing about the match when it is actually being played here on TV.

108. and why was it sounding like lagaan?

109. let me go up, and read it all over again….

110. goto point 17: ‘khaane ko roti nahin hoga, pehanhe ko kapda nahin hoga, duguna lagaan dena hoga';
goto point 10: 'kya kar raha hai bhuvan, sambhal ke khel'.

111. they’re all there – goli, bagha, lakha, ismail, eesar kaka, guran, bhoora…etc
112. sorry to leave out radha and princess elizabeth, but give me break. women’s day was 2 days ago.

ps. it was just a dream. ravi shastri should feel safe and not worry about recession. he still has a job.

A long story, cut short

2009-03-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

It was a typical Indian summer of the nineties in a north Indian city. People stayed indoors. Much needed relief was provided by desert coolers and water-melons. Schools had summer vacations and mothers stopped their kids from venturing out to play cricket in the scorching sun. Since internet had still not come to India, kids had no choice but to read Raj Comics. Nagraj and Super Commando Dhruv were the order of the day. The only time kids came out was when the Kulfi waala would come with his ringing bell to sell the kulfis in all traditional flavors, ranging from pistachio and mango, to cardamom and saffron.

The corner house between the main street and dusty bylane was unusually quite that day. Our little protagonist, in his 11th year, was trying hard since morning to impress his mother by doing all the chores that he would normally loathe. He had gotten up early to bring milk from the dairy, he had watered the plants, and had taken the dog out for a walk. He had filled both the coolers with water, and was pretending to do his summer school homework, when he was not making himself useful around the house. The mother was obviously aware of the happenings, and was waiting for the evening, when he would ask her to let him out for a game of cricket.

It was 15 minutes past 5 in the evening, and the pleading started. The mother would not give in easily. It was a mind game both had learnt to play well. Her no never meant a no, and he knew that. He went on trying, for he was convinced that she was killing time so that the sun would come down a bit, and the heat would be less intense. He had predicted the buffer time correctly, and she agreed in 20 minutes. The game was to start at 5:45, and his calculations were going good so far. He was feeling lucky.

It took him less than 5 minutes to sprint to the barren piece of land, where boys twice his age had started assembling. He was, by far, the youngest, and tiniest in the gang. The teams were decided and the toss was done. His team captain was a dark and burly lad named Mahender, who was the oldest of all. In his late twenties, Mahender was the self professed leader of the gang. Nobody challenged him or his decision as he was sort of a local goon in the neighborhood. Rumors were rife that he carried a rampuri, Indian slang for a knife used in boy fights.

Our little protagonist did not mind that all that. He was only interested in a little batting, which he knew he would get in the end only if he was lucky, and for that he will have to field all the time. The game was to go for 4 innings, where every team was to play 2 innings of 10 overs each. It was a unique combination of one-day cricket and test-cricket in the neighborhood, a concept that Mahender had come up with, and was extremely pompous about it.

Mahender’s team started to bat first. The opposition strike bowlers did a fine job to take the first 6 wickets in 7 overs. Our boy was the last one to go and bat, when Mahender and Vinod, the opponent captain intervened to declare that the innings was over. He ran up to Mahender to remind him that he was in the team too. His heart sank when they laughed and told him that he was a kachhi ghodi. He did not know what a kachhi ghodi was. He was told that his participation was always considered inconsequential, and his runs did not count. They had to go on with the game to finish all 4 innings, lest it gets dark, and he would not be allowed to bat. His world shattered, as he tried to hide the lump in his throat. His hard work since morning and all the pleading flashed before his eyes. He could not make much of what kachhi ghodi was, except that for him being kachhi ghodi was like being cheated.

As the opposition team opening batsmen were about to take guard, he decided he would not let them cheat him so easily. There was very little time on his hands. He ran to Mahender to make one last ditch effort, and said he would do anything to get his chance to bat. Mahender would not budge and wanted to go ahead with the proceedings, when our little protagonist made him an offer. He promised to treat everybody with a kulfi after the game. Mahender was taken aback and went silent for a few seconds. He had to give it a serious thought. This was his chance to prove to others how he duped the little boy and negotiated a fabulous deal for all of them. After a quick word with Vinod, our boy was asked to take guard. He had 3 overs to play, all to himself. And since he knew his runs won’t be counted, he was in no particular hurry. He defended the good balls, and sent 2 of the bad ones to the boundary. Everybody was enjoying the show, as the news about kulfi treat was out. For a change, the interest in cricket was taken over by an interest in free kulfis.

For the next 90 minues, people went through the motions before calling it a day. Needless to say, the little boy got to bat in the second innings as well. It was time to hit the kulfi vendor. After everybody had tap water at the vendor’s tiny shop, they started ordering. When all of them had ordered, they looked at the little boy, who promptly took out a battered 5 rupee note from his pocket and handed it to the kulfi waala. Mahender was shocked and asked him to pay 65 rupees, as there were 13 of them. Our little boy promptly remarked he only had 5 rupees and would only pay for himself. And when Mahender growled and asked him who would pay for the rest, he said in a meek tone – ‘ I don’t know. You all are kachhi ghodis. You don’t really get to eat the kulfis.’

Kabootar Mehenga Padh Jaayega, by errr...fan!

2008-12-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

People ask me who my favorite actor is. These people have a sad habit of asking about favorite actors and actresses, across segments and geographies. I think they prepare mental dashboards and rank reports, based on the response they get, and think it makes for good conversation.

5 years back, when I was asked this question, I said - Irrfan Khan. Nobody could place him. But it was amusing to them when I did a little bit of - 'Chal baby, n***i ho jaa' from Gunaah. His name was not even spelled 'Irrfan'. I was the lone brand ambassador.

4 years back, when I was asked the same question, I said - Irrfan Khan. It was still difficult to place him, but some people had seen Haasil, and Ranvijay's 'Kaa Bhaiya' fever was catching up. All my friends knew who he was. I was not alone.

3 years back, when I was asked the same question, I said - Irrfan Khan. All my friends knew who he was. Even the friends' friends. But for some funny reason, people thought I was kidding. Some idiots also confused him with Irfan Pathan - the cricketer. That was the most difficult year of my life.

2 years back they realized it was all serious, and a big deal. Haasil Trivia games became the order of the day. 'What did Ranvijay say to Suggi while asking about the missing Niharika?', 'Which theater did Ranvijay call his friends after he killed Pandit?', 'Why do girls shy away from Ranvijay, even though he has a clean heart'? are just some examples.

1 year back, I stopped endorsing Irrfan. There was no need for it. The movies, the Hutch/Vodafone ad, the crossover cinema, all this was louder than my words.

Some people come to me and say, why Irrfan Khan. I don't blame them. They are only used to the other Khans being named as favorites. I don't know the answer. All I know is that there are fans. There are big fans. And then there are people who call themselves biggest fans. I guess I was just the "first" biggest fan.

Animal Crackers

2008-12-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

I was driving back home, when I saw a big fat lazy rat crossing the road. Rats are disgusting, but killing it and having its blood on the tyre would have been more disgusting. Now this rat was really slow. In order to save its life, I optimized the speed. Enough to drive over it, but without having the tyres make contact with the rat.

However I was oblivious to the fact, and so was the rat, that a hungry dog was following it, trying to take advantage of its laziness. I only spotted the dog when it came really close to the vehicle. I was caught in a dilemma. It was either the dog or the rat. I couldn't have avoided them both. For a nano-second, I felt like the US of A. The rat was like Kuwait, and the dog was like Iraq. It was about to die a KKM (Kutte ki maut).

But there was one way out. I felt I could do it. It required tremendous skill. Spiderman reflexes. It required courage, and confidence. But most of all, it required sacrifice, since I was not wearing a seatbelt. It was difficult, but not impossible. It was worth a shot.

What happened in the next split of a second would give the Mithun's and Rajnikanth's of this world a run for their money. The dog did get hit. Thankfully, the impact was zero, but distracted the dog enough to give rat the time required to disappear into the roadside dirt. End of it, all three of us went home without a scar.

When I think about it now, it gives me a chill down the spine. What if I had to choose between the dog and the rat. I don't know. I have no clear favorite. They're all the same. Both dogs and rats look up to humans. Cats look down upon us. But pigs - they treat us as equals. I like pigs. I am pretty sooar about that.

Moral of the story: It's funny how dirty animals and Barney Stinson can restore your faith in God.

Kirti's Boyfriend

2008-11-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

It was a rainy Thursday evening, and the unanimous decision was to have beer. We decided to call Kirti over. 3 of us called Kirti but the calls went unanswered. After an our and 2 beers each, I got a call from Kirti. A strange voice asked me who I am. I asked (and as DADA likes to put it) - 'Who are you?' instead of 'Who is it?', as the person on the other side of the phone was definitely not the polished kind. Here is an account of what I remember of our telephonic conversation.

Me: Who is it?
Random Guy: Kaun bol re? Who are you?
Me: Who are you?
Random Guy: You say, who are you, first of all?
Me: I am Kirti's friend. And who are you?
Random Guy: I am Kirti's boyfriend.
(This came as a surprise to me as we did not know Kirti had a boyfriend. This is when I decided to go on speaker)
Me: Kirti's boyfriend? Are you sure?
Randon Guy: Yes, what do you want, first of all?
Me: I want to speak to Kirti.
Random Guy: Who are you, first of all?
(He was clearly suffering from a first-of-all syndrome. This is when somebody woke up, and informed that Kirti lost the cellphone 2 months back)
Me: Please give the phone to Kirti. This phone does not belong to you.
Random Guy: Hai Kirti meri girlfriend. Kya fijool baataan karte?
Me: How is that possible? Kirti is a boy. And the phone is stolen.
Random Guy disconnects.

What followed this are more calls to 'Kirti' about the stolen phone and SIM card, and interrogations by a certain Inspector 'Guy'tonde. Unfortunately, when I call on the number now, a girl takes the call and says - 'The number you are trying to reach is currently switched off'.

And I was right about his orientation. Kirti does not have a boyfriend, after all. Moreover, he is not someone's girlfriend. Thankfully!

Ek Bihari, Ek Haseena

2008-09-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows about my love for anything which is remotely Bihari or Bhojpuri. I was revising a Bhojpuri number yesterday which was a fad during my college days. The melodious tune was so intoxicating that I decided to teach it to a girl. Trust me, it’s fun to have a girl sing this song for you.

The lyrics were:

baiyaan chhod do, bhor ho gayi raa balam,
humra laage saram, humra laage saram

which means:

(let go of my hand my love!, its daylight,
I feel so shy, oh I feel so shy.)

After a few practice sessions, all I could out of her bihari-with-english-accent was:

Bhaiya chhod do, bore ho gayi…

(let me go bro, you’re so boring)

I guess I’ll never teach any more Bhojpuri songs.

The Dude

2008-09-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

This is a true incident which happened yesterday. I was spending a lazy day at a friends place away from office when my servant called. He informed that the Movers and Packers guy is at home to collect some money. I was supposed to pay 1300 bucks to M&P that had moved Vamsi’s stuff and they had sent their employee to collect the money.

Now I don’t expect these employees (Milkman, Pizza-delivery-guy, Newspaper-bill-waala etc) to stand outside the apartment and wait, but these people are way too humble, and do not mind waiting outside for a minute or two. As a result, by convention, they’re not even invited inside.

But when I reached home, I was surprised to see this guy who had made himself comfortable on the sofa and was chatting up with my servant. He was certainly no ordinary guy employed by M&P. He was the dude. He had droopy eyes, long brown hair – dirty to the extent of being ghastly, and was stinking of alcohol at 2 in the afternoon. The dude was so repulsive that even I felt disgusted.

The first question this dude asked me was ‘Sir, did you have your lunch?’ This came as a surprise. He sounded fascinating, and confident. I replied, ‘Yes I did, and did you have your lunch?’. He said no, and I stopped the conversation there. I knew where he was going, I had no intention to invite him over for lunch.

I paid the money, and he reluctantly returned the change. He was expecting 200 bucks as tip, but to his disappointment, I did not comply. He did not get up to leave, so I called his boss and told him that I have paid up. He still sat there, and I was thinking about the best way to ask him to get out, and never show his frightening face again. As I was planning my next move, he pointed to the bar (booze inside a glass cupboard in the living room) and to my utter dismay, asked, ‘Sir, one peg of scotch?’ There was a humble request in his eyes, which I noticed for the first time.

What happened next was interesting.

Times of India –After 5 years-Court Trial

2008-09-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

The court trial between Dance Bars Association of India and Maharashtra Government goes into 29th day

05.09.2013

The case against Dance Bars Association of India took a dramatic turn on Thursday when Sr. Advocate P.K.Ludke, representing the Government of Maharashtra, submitted the 61-page Mckinsey report on ‘Employment of Dance Bar waiters – Concerns and Statistics’.

It read, “Unemployment of former dance waiters does not seen to be an issue anymore, as the thriving night-life and pub-culture in India has presented them with multiple employment opportunities. They’ve found employment at the clubs and discos as bouncers. The not so well-built waiters have been subsequently employed as waiters in the same clubs after being referred by their bouncer friends. The success of this referral scheme can be attributed to the well-networked dance bar industry, which employed over 50,000 bar dancers and 5,000 waiters, before it was closed by the then Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra, R.R.Patil in August 2005.

However, problems arise when a former dance-bar customer goes to a club, and starts throwing 10 Rupee bills (known as dud-dus ke note udaana). As a habit, the bouncers and waiters jump immediately and start collecting the bills from the floor. This sometimes leads to the club management firing the staff-members who behave this way. Furthermore, the problem worsens when a friend of the customer, who also happens to be a former-dance bar customer intervenes in order to save his friend from a fuming manager – ‘Gaali waali kya dete ho, isko toh mukke maaro’”

This can be a severe blow to the Dance Bar Association on the 29th day of trial, as they try to get the ban on dance bars lifted after 8 years.

-----------------------
This concept (five years hence) of such newspaper strips (similar to cartoon strips in newspaper dailies) should be treated as my copyright. Investors interested in the idea are welcome to get in touch with me. :-D

Story Inputs: Chatur

Farewell...with a heavy heart!

2008-07-18T04:08:00.000-07:00

A speech which we wrote for my dearest room-mate and IIT wingie-junior Ditch, when he is leaving Hyderabad. He was supposed to deliver the speech to his team today. I am not sad that he is going. For some weird reason, he would wake me up every morning, because he wanted to take a shower in my bathroom. What a pervert!!!

Anyways, here's the speech;
-----------

I am reading this speech because my English is weak. But I am not embarrassed about it, everybody here is sailing in the same boat.

Winston Churchill was a man of few words. He was once made to give a speech on ‘Sex’. He spoke – Ladies and Gentleman, it gives me great pleasure…[long pause]

But unlike Churchill, I will speak a lot more. First of all, I’ll thank you all for coming here. I am glad you found time to join me for lunch. Had it been dinner, I would have had to pay for booze as well. And I don’t even drink.

So, thanks to the entire team for making my stay at Deloitte memorable. Thanks also to my parents who always had a dream that one day their son would work for Deloitte. Back then when I was a kid, we had to wait for a month to get a landline phone connection at our home. The day that bright and shiny phone instrument arrived, I had made my decision - I wanted to work in the TMT department only. And I am glad I got to be a part of such wonderful team. The learning I received would stay with me forever.

Thanks are also due to Silpa Parivaar, who made my stay in Hyderabad rocking! They’re a gang of mad dogs, and I thoroughly enjoyed partying every single day. And not to forget, Rajan Bhai's awesome breakfast and dinner, which kept me going. The nutritious food and high calorie intake turned me into a fat ass and a star performer.

Especial thanks to all the girls who were a part of my team. I was able to explore my true potential while working alongside them, and doing all the donkey’s work for them. My intentions were totally honorable. It’s just that I loved my work so much that I could not have enough of it.

And this speech could not be complete without mentioning my bosses P&N’s name who knew how to get the best out of me. Trust me, I mean it from the ‘heart of my bottom’. I am not sucking up to them. I like ice-cream better.

So, we part to meet again. I wish you all the best and I’m sure our paths will cross soon. Especially with the high attrition rate in the team.

Before I finish, I would want to welcome the new members in the team, and would expect them to take the good work forward. Two lines which come to my mind

‘hum aaye hain toofaan se kashti nikaal ke,
Is desh ko rakhna mere bhaiyon sambhaal ke’

[taaliyon ki gadgadaahat]

And on a slightly cheeky note, last two lines for Uta

Jab thumak thumak ke tum chalti ho oota,
Kasam se kehte hain, tab tab humra dil toota.

--------------
Uta is his team-mate who has recently joined from Germany as an intern in Deloitte.

Poker - My Way or the 'High'way

2008-06-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some healthy tips to playing Poker.

1. Never close the chips-box. If it gets locked, there are no buy-ins.
2. Never treat poker as eemaan ki ladaayi
3. When you lose a big hand, always compliment your opponent 'Nice Hand' rather than teri maa ki !@#$
4. While playing with lazy people (which is usually the case), it's always advisable to go 'All In' when you have many chips of several denominations. Nobody ever counts.
5. It's always fun to irritate people who 'raise' by saying 'check' instead of 'call' or fold' or 're-raise'. It sounds like bhagwaan ke liye mujhe chodh do.
6. Whenever a bigger denomination chip comes into your chip-account, it can be interchangeably referred to as khushiyon ki bahaar or ghar aayi laxmi.
7. If you often 'fold' during 'pre-flop' or 'flop', nobody missed you at the casino when you are dead.
8. Never underestimate anyone in 'strip-poker' even if he/she is in his/her 'underwear'. Besides, there is always a potential danger that he/she will go 'All In', and you make not like what you see.
9. And finally - Pokers never quit. And quitters never win. Pokers here imply people who poke softer targets with their elbows in crowded buses. Any resemblance to the card-game is purely coincidental.

Ps. This post is dedicated to Anant 'Poker'na - who is the Lalit Modi of Poker is some of the urban areas of India. His contribution to GDP (G for Gurgaon) has been exemplary.

Checking Out!

2008-05-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

Now we all what synonyms are, don't we? But let's introduce a new concept (after muck!), which is that of double synonyms. Something we were not taught during those grammar classes.

It's called Bi-synonyms. Bi-synonym is a combination of two words (used together in the same order) which have different meanings. This concept is best explained with an example.

Checking out could mean - Checking out a girl.
Checking out could also mean - Checking out from a hotel.

Now these two are clearly different things. You can check out a girl, get into a conversation, get lucky, and then check out in the morning; but these are clearly two different things.

Checking out is sometimes confused with sleeping around. People discuss ''who is checking out whom'' in the same breath as ''who is sleeping with whom'', but the fact of matter remains that everyone is checking out everyone, all the time - so the question is plain stupid.

So, this concept of Bi-synonyms is new for you. You missed it in Wren&Martin's bible of English Grammar. But your kids will read it in (M)artin-W(R)en&(P)anju, lovingly referred to as MRP in the English Literature and Grammar circles. Ofcourse MRP will come at a higher MRP.

Enjoy your copy of MRP over a Martini (in a tribute to Martin, who will be long dead).

Test Cricket vs IPL 20-20

2008-05-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

I am not going to write anything dirty today. This will certainly disappoint my readers (yes, I have my share of them!) who are always on a lookout for classy porn.

Touching upon the hot cricket debate these days, as the name suggests, is also not the intention. I am just irritated at two categories of people, and wish that they die and go to hell***:

1. Those who understand cricket but think they know everything abut cricket.
2. Those who don't know J@#$%(anything) about cricket, but think they understand cricket.

Note: Please observe the reversal of verbs.
Note2: At one point of time, I was tempted to write herbs instead of verbs, but thats besides the point

The former argues that Test Cricket is real cricket, and IPL 20-20 is not cricket but raw entertainment. These people also go to the extent of saying that youngsters who perform at IPL 20-20 have little talent. Basically, they enjoy the slower version of the game too much to let it go.

The latter have recently started taking interest in watching IPL 20-20 cricket, and claim that taking interest in Test cricket is stupidity, and cricket in only fun in the new format. This is the category who are bored with the slow pace of Test Cricket.

I present my suggestions (based on recent medical advancements):

1. To the first category - there are drugs which make you think quick. Take two pills and IPL 20-20 will then have the best of both worlds.
2. To the second category - there are drugs whose side-effects include slowing down of process. Take two pills, and test cricket will then be as good as IPL 20-20.

Prolonged use of these medicines may cause ill effects, but what the hell. Both these kinds deserve to die anyway. Refer ***.
----------
A quick little-something/dessert for who could not relate to the post above:
Q. How many Sardar jokes are really there?
A. 2, at max 3. The rest of them are true stories.

Aging, or something like it...

2008-05-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

Its 5:30 in the morning. The birds have started chirping. They'll soon be dropping turd all around. Pray, they don't understand the concept of weekends, Saturdays, sleeping late, or night-outs. They are dumb birds. And chidiya udh is a dumb game.

This night-out happened after a long time. Thanks to 'The Great Debaters' starring Denzyl Washington and Chivas Regal. Just like the good old times, the night-out did not tire me. I feel young. But unlike the good old times, I was careful while driving a friend back home a few minutes back. Guess we all become a little careful with age. Age does that horrible thing to us. Its not just the organic process of physical decay. The D in the G becomes mellow. Though, rest of it in the G remains yellow. Age is one damn thing which you get without putting in any bloody effort. It is one ugly thing, which goes on getting worse.

But then, I love to convince myself and others around that I am old now. Perfect excuse for laziness. My favorite lines start with 'saala is umar mein...'. I had a cute relationship manager at a stock brokerage firm who suggested a stock which would triple its value in one year. My response was, 'saala is umar mein hum harey kele (green bananas) nahin khareedte. I could never understand why she took offence.

Anyways, there is a brighter side to aging. I am told that the dating range increases as you grow older. For a 20 yr old, the dating range is 18-22. For a 30 year old, it is 20-40. How cool is that...

Before one gets judgmental, I am only 24 years, and 29 months. It helps being a little calculative.

Three Englishmen

2008-03-16T03:01:00.000-07:00

This is a story from old times. This is a story from November, 1981, New York - the month, the year but not the place, when/where I was born. Contrary to the title, this story is about three Americans. I chose this title because Englishmen sounded a little fancy. And English women....oh goodness, but wait - lets not even go there.

Francis Whitman, Peter Whitman and Jack Whitman - three American brothers who had not spoken to each other in a year set off on a train voyage across India with a plan to find themselves and bond with each other -- to become brothers again like they used to be. This is the story of their ''spiritual quest''.

Status when they were traveling through Punjab:
Peter and Jack loved each other. They hated Francis. Francis hated them. But they had made a promise to each other before the journey that they would be nice to each other. The promise was a ''kasam'', an oath (basically both). And it was no ordinary promise. It was called ''Reshma ki Jawani'' ki kasam. For Excingsh (exclusively English) speakers, it is Reshma's Youth. Reshma's youth is listed on all major stock exchanges (NASDAQ:REY). Get stock prices, stock quotes, charts, summarized market data, and company specific information at http://www.nasdaq.com/

So, in order to get along well, they would play Indian-Games like nadi-pahaad, vish-amrit, pakdam-pakdaayi, ice-pice, lukha-chuppi, sitoliya, dadi-maar-duchda, cross country (crossy), doctor-doctor, ghar-ghar, poshamba-poshamba, kho-kho, khol-khol etc. They would make tattoos on each other's arms, legs and other parts of the body.

They would watch MTV Roadies on TV, and would shout ''Chackh De, India''. Chackhs in the language Czech is a very dirty word which means ****.

They would say to each other sweet notings like:
''Humko chhod ke mat jaao saala'', “Tumre bin jee nahin paayenge’’, ''Kab milegi tu?'', ''Rulaaoge kaa?'', ''Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi?”

The would remind each other of the Reshma ki jawani promise by reading to each other the famous quote by Rober Frost by:
“The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promise(s) to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”

So, one day Peter and Jack were together in a room chatting. Francis came inside the room eating a banana. A banana is typically eaten in 4 bites (4 bytes).

He has already eaten two when he came inside. Peter and Jack asked for the third and the forth one respectively. Peter said:
''Arey ey Fransicwa, humko tohaar kela chaahi''
Jack said:
''Humko bhi tohaar kela chaahi, sasur ka naati''

Francis ate the third bite in silence. Francis ate the forth bite in silence. He then left the room. Peter and Jack look at each other with utter disbelief. All the words by Robert Frost made no sense now. Reshma’s youth was in danger. Reshma’s youth was her only ornament (aurat ki izzat hi uska gehna hoti hai!).

But it was only two minutes later, that Francis came inside the room with two more bananas, and handed one to each one of them. Things became sentimental. Jazbaat ki barsaat. Soft music was playing in the background. They were brothers again, just like good old times.

Epilogue:
Status in Haryana (Maakhan ka Gaanv): They have settled in India. They like drinking Patiala pegs at ‘Aunty ka theka’. Ghane baawre hain ab teenon jatt.

It is March 2008 now. Reshma is well settled in Bombay. She is 44 now. She is still youthful, like a fresh drop of rain. And whenever she goes to a nightclub, there are more takers for Reshma than for any 18-year old. Reshma ki twacha se uski umra ka pata hi nahin chalta.

Nirma Super

2008-02-24T03:48:00.000-08:00

I am feeling nice and fresh. Oops - Nice and Crisp and Warm. Was just wondering, what if we stop the TV advertisements (jingles) to an appropriate point, and leave it there - for the better. For example:-

Shopkeeper : Aaiye-aaiye Deepika ji, aapka sab saamaan taiyaar hai.
Deepika Baby : Yeh nahin woh.
Shopkeeper: Aap toh hamesha woh mehanga waala leti thi.
Deepika Baby: Leti thi...
[snip: lekin jab wahi safedi...]

Or better still,

Shopkeeper : Aaiye-aaiye Deepika ji, aapka sab saamaan (with a wink) taiyaar hai.
[snip]!

Disclaimer: This post borders on the edge of obscenity. I sincerely apologize if I have offended any sentiments.

The Middle Finger

2008-02-22T23:35:00.000-08:00

Last week, my friend came home with a swollen middle finger. When asked about the reason, he said he did not know. I don't buy the vague insect-bite theory. Why would the insect choose the middle finger of his right hand, of all places.

So the swelling did not subside for two days and he went to the doctor. A surgery was suggested. While his finger was cut, and bad blood was being removed, he held up his finger and shouted ''M*****..." at the top of his voice. He couldn't have been in so much pain, especially after anesthesia, but I guess it was his idea to use the surgery as a pretext to get back to the cruel world.

Since the surgery yesterday, he has to go to the hospital every 4 hours for an anti-biotic injection. And after each dressing, he is suggested to keep his finger up, lest the blood flows and causes infection. He feels awkward keeping the middle finger up. This amuses me. Had I been in his place, I would have flaunted it.

Anyways, there is one good thing which came out of all this. When his boss asks him to work, he shows him the finger. There is a long deliberate pause before he remarks in a cheeky tone - ''I cannot type''.

The Great Indian Wedding

2008-02-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

This is wedding season across India. Six of my close friends are getting married in February. All the weddings are in North India. The result - I cannot attend each wedding traveling from Hyderabad every time. The people who are getting married face lopsided-demand-supply issues while shopping around for goodies such as venue, pundit, caterer etc., bringing them in an inferior bargaining position. I sometimes wonder whether the makers-of-auspicious-occasions do not think about these logistics. How can there be hajaar good days in February and not a single one in March?

The people getting married don't seem to be complaining though. I think it's just suitable weather in North India to get married.

And why are weddings so important in Indian Society (Because it only happens once in a lifetime, typically??)? Why are people expected to travel from one city to another, taking a flight and a train both ways to attend a wedding, where the groom or bride has no time? Why do the groom has to sit on a ''ghodi'' and feel like an asshole? Why do the baraatis have to do ala-chillar dance on the road to express their happiness when they're not even drunk? Why the kids who are getting married don't stand up to the parents and tell them that the auspicious occasion should fall on a weekend (pundits do arrange that) so that the near-and-dear ones can make it? The list of why's is endless, but nobody seems to be doing anything about it.

Weddings come with gifts. One of my friends who recently got married received a lot of flower pots and lamps. Every other gift would be a flower pot or a lamp. One gift was a high-end Creative-Speakers-Set though. It was his favorite. The gift of Magi. He decided to take it and forget about the rest. He carried it to his reception and honeymoon. He brought it back to Hyderabad, and informed all of the weekend music dhamaal with pulsating music from the new speakers. Finally the happy and excited couple opened the Creative-Speakers-Box. And out came a flower pot!! I've seen klpd's and KLPD's. This one will be right up there on the charts.

I will head back home now. Traffic must've subsided. To friends whose weddings I have-missed/will-miss, I wish you two a blissful and happy married life.

Jai Bharat.

An appropriate 'GoodNight'

2007-12-04T10:28:00.000-08:00

I hate it when conversations end abruptly. Its worse when there are no explicit disagreements amidst loads of them. I don't sleep properly after that. And then I have to eat Alprax.

Fortunately, it was not the case today. There was a suitable climax, with genuine good byes. And there was a nice little dirty joke thrown in. Things don't get any better, do they?

I'm feeling Lucky!

2007-10-20T03:06:00.000-07:00

Organizations should stop giving company T-shirts to their employees. Especially those with funny web user interfaces.

Whenever I see a pretty girl wearing a white Google T-shirt, my heart feels like typing my favorite stock in the search window. But I could never gather the courage to go close and look for the search window. I was shit scared!!! SHIT is the word, man!!

But one fine day, I went on and tried it. On a guy, though. My life has never been the same again.

Catching Up

2007-10-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

I was on phone with a friend (S.A.H.B.A. - name reversed to protect identity) last night. We went through our usual catching up - what up dawg, what up bitch, and all dirty hindi gaalis. It is just our way of making polite conversation.

We then moved to another crucial topic of all our phone calls - our respective sex lives. He remarked - ''Rocking as usual'', and after a long pause ''Thanks to VLC player''.

I innocently asked ''Why not MPlayer?'', just in order to hint that mine was rocking as well.

To which, he replied - "Abey VLC player mein zyaada mazaa aata hai, kahin bhi rok sakte hain''

I was surprised. Even with my limited knowledge of multimedia, I can confidently say that the video can be stopped anywhere in MPlayer too. I love to call this - ''Let's pause for a noble cause''.

Moral of the Story: Information content/assets sharing through video processing for entertainment of the audience is the safe way to go!!

Requiem for a Dream

2007-09-21T14:23:00.000-07:00

Revised this movie today. Crazy stuff!! And am as shocked as I was the first time when I saw it.

Weekend is upon me. There is so much to do. But one option is to be hooked. To slow mild drinking and movies and laziness. But being hooked comes back and hurts you bad. Just like it happens in RFAD. Damn guy lost his hand.

But then, it is the easier option. It takes nothing really to laze around all day, and postpone the 'important' things in life. After all, there is nothing to prove really. And no-one to prove-to really. Things are good. So should take it easy. And would add here, as Cheeru remarked today, when you are on your deathbed, you should not regret that you did not 'rest' enough.

It is a very very big dilemma. To do or not to do. My current take is 'not-to-do', but do not succumb to the addiction of not-doing.

Semifinals of T20 coming up tomorrow. My money is on India. As the bidding(and not betting) gang would call it - 'Nanga Support' to India. No wonder the money being bet on India was twice the money being bet on SA. I would sum up the hajaar 20-20-bidding-spam mails exchanged in the last few days as one classic line from Sethji - "Jab jasba ho andar, toh dikhta hai bahar"

Will be a little sad once this cricket and betting drama gets over. On the brighter side, will have time to give those 'important' things a serious thought.

Am not returning some calls. Sorry folks - catch up with you soon. And stay away from the downward spirals.

An I-day Observation

2007-08-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

Free India turns 60 today. I wonder whether I'll live to see 100th year of independence. It's 40 years from now. I would not put my money on it. I am already 25, and living till 65 seems like a distant dream, both literally and figuratively. I have been so glad about the fact that I have never had major hair issues, unlike some of my friends from college and work whose hairlines have been receding in early 20's. But a friend remarked today, "Panju, tumhare baal udh rahe hain". On close inspection, I found that my hair density has indeed come down. Does it mean I am more desirable to women now? After all, a classic song goes like,

Udey jab jab zulfein teri, kunvariyon ka dil machale, jind meriye. :-D

Anyways, I hardly let appearance and looks bother me. And my defense mechanism is - The world is divided into two kinds of men - those who are bald, and those who are going to turn bald.

Happy Independence day!

Dhoom Again

2007-06-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

It's funny how music reminds us of a certain phase/incident in our life. Somebody spoke about the Tata Young item number from Dhoom today. The 2004 movie was a hit and I loved it. I would listen to that song n-times a day. It was 14th October 2004 (15th, technically) as we were celebrating Banka's birthday, and planned to take the celebrations to Veer-da-Dhaba.

We left Banka/Bhussy's apartment at 2 am. Everybody was sloshed/near-sloshed.

(Leaving Bhussy/Banka'a apartment with Tanmay riding pillion)
Dhoom Dhoom come and light my fire
Dhoom Dhoom let me take you higher

(Lighting another cigarette on the bike)
Dhoom Dhoom I wanna feel that burnin'
Dhoom Dhoom it's a wild emotion
Dhoom Dhoom passion and devotion,
Dhoom Dhoom now the wheels are turnin'.

(We are leading amongst 5 bikers as we take a turn from DP road to Baner Road. Tanmany comes close as he is a little skeptical about my biking since Feb 2002 Goa days)
Move your body close to mine now,
Let me feel your love divine now,
Together we'll explode and we'll go boom boom boom.

Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom.

(We are riding on the smooth curves of Baner road at 70 and I decide to accelerate)
Dhoom Dhoom i'm gonna make you sweat now,
Dhoom Dhoom let's get all wet now
Dhoom Dhoom gotta get down on it.

(Now Tanmay has lost all his apprehensions as he starts enjoying it)
Dhoom Dhoom till the early mornin'
Dhoom Dhoom until the silver dawnin'
Dhoom Dhoom I know that you want it.

(The feeling of popping the beer bottle open is going to be no less than Alonso popping champagne)
Shake your body down to the ground,
Once you go there's no turnin' round
Tonight we're gonna make the world go boom boom boom.

Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom.

(And we are pretty close to the Bombay-Pune highway)
(Dance with me, dance with me
This is my philosophy)
(Dance with me, dance with me, oh yeah)
(Dance with me, dance with me
This is my philosophy)
(Dance with me, dance with me, oh yeah)

(Screeching noise of the tyres for 2 seconds followed by a thud - followed by unconsciousness)
This burnin' inside
You know you just cannot hide,
So don't fight the feeling let your body decide
When you get down on the road,
It's a wild overload
Ridin' higher than you ever did before.

(We call for an ambulance. Chatur tries to stop the bleeding with his post-alcohol expert handling. I gain consciousness as I ask others to go on to VDD and not to spoil the party. Bhussy contemplates my advice. Tanmay is alive and so am I. Hurray!! )
Dhoom Dhoom let your body do the talkin'
Dhoom Dhoom I wanna keep on rockin',
Dhoom Dhoom I want it twenty four seven
Dhoom Dhoom get the rhythm of the beat now,
Dhoom Dhoom feel the fire and the heat now
Dhoom Dhoom take a trip to heaven,

(The ambulance has not come yet. Bhussy and Banka take me on the bike to Medipoint hospital, and the intoxicating sight of blood mixed with 6 large drinks gives me a terrific high)
I wanna feel the wind in my hair now
Spread the power, everywhere now,
Feel the magic just go zip zap zoom!!!

(8 guys are in the hospital fighting with doctors at 2:45 am to let them in the emergency room as my face is being stitched)
Dhoom machale...come on all you people

Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom,
Dhoom machale Dhoom machale Dhoom!!!!!

The system of a down!

2007-05-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

Was diagnosed with Gastroenteritis last week. The doc said that the liver and kidneys are doing just fine. If one really has to rhyme, I would say - all in good time. Meanwhile, it's good to know that I can continue my 'habits' since there is nothing deadly wrong.

When I was in the hospital, weird thoughts would come admist all the weakness. At times, my heart started beating fast and I thought this is it. I then started planning of doing all the things I have always wanted to do, including starting a company. I sat up thinking all night of a business plan, the revenue model, the approach, the registration and the marketing collaterals. But when the reports were fine and doctors said I am healthy, I dropped the idea.

I remember sharing a though with others who came to visit me in the hospital. Around 1992, I was in Jaipur when India played South Africa in a 3 ODI cricket series. That was the first time I saw SA play cricket. I wondered that the players are all white despite the fact that they are 'South' and they are 'Africa'. But I took refuge in class 6 mathematics that two negatives make a positive.

The other day I was kidding around with a friend about a third friend's wife. We felt guilty after that but decided it's okay because we were two and hence it was not dirty to think that way. Besides, we were drunk too. Nevertheless, we pledged that we shall not discuss the wife again. And if at all we do, the number of people should be even.

I am reading English, August by Upamanyu Chatterjee these days. Found time for a book after so long. I can relate so well to the protagonist Agastya Sen. I am half-way through, and I hope that he finds a perspective at the end.

Cricket, Beer and a day away from Office

2007-04-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday, half past 7 pm. I bunked office today. Bunked is perhaps the wrong word. That's what I did to lectures . And flunked is what I did to courses. And junked is what I have been doing to myself. Just like a true-blue-junkie (TBJ).

Anyways, I skipped office because I was not well. I swear I was not. Not well, that is. And to kill the home-alone loneliness, I had a lot of beer. With Lanka-Kiwi match beginning with a thrilling start, I wonder what I like more - cricket or beer? It was certainly cricket when I was a kid, but that is primarily because I was not introduced to the golden drops then. Things have changed now. Cricket has many competitors - EPL, F1, women and Gold Flake lights. But beer definitely takes the cake. Wait, let me add chocolate cake to that list. When India was humiliated by Bangladesh (people who are reading this in 2155 AD, India lost to Bangladesh in World Cup 2007 and was eliminated in the first round. For more info on Cricket, please visit your local museum), allegations were made on Chappel and BCCI and Dravid and advertising and what-not. Anyone or anything could be responsible. I have this intution that alcoholism is the cause and the Indian players are drinking too much and not focusing o the game.

Which brings us to a very important subject - what goes on in those Indian team daaru sessions. Here is how I feel it goes:

8 pm : Looking at his belly, Sehwag is most fond of beer. He assembles everyone in the dressing room and collects money for daaru and ciggarates. He then sends Uthappa (earlier, it was Parthiv Patel) to fetch the same from the wine shop.
8:15 pm : When Uthappa leaves, Munaf Patel is sent to bring peanuts and wafers.
8:20 pm : Bhajji is explaining Sreesanth how to hold drinks and drink slowly and respect seniors in daaru sessions. Dada comes around, and Bhajji leaves to suck-up to him.
8:30 pm : Chappel and Dravid are back from media interviews and they go - " Saalon, daaru nahin aayi abhi tak?"
8:35 pm : Uthappa is back with 2 crates of beer, 5 bottles of Johnnie Walker Black Label and 1 bottle of Old-Monk rum for himself and Dinesh Kartik. These guys are still not used to high-end daaru.
8:40 pm : Sachin exclaims - "Aaila, itni daaru kaun piyega?"
8:45 pm : Yuvraj comes out of his room and everybody breathes a sigh of relief.
9 pm : They start drinking. Agarkar is most enthu and throws up after 1 beer and 3 bottoms-up of large whisky. Chappel and Dravid give a disgusted look and remark - "kyun pilaate ho isko?"
10 pm : Yuvraj, Zaheer, Dhoni and Irfan Pathan are drinking religiously.
11 pm : Bhajji once again gets hold of Sreesanth and makes him dance to 'Kajra re Kajra re'. Dada joins him without his shirt. They get really cosy. Chappel maintains his disgusted look, while Kumble is happy clicking away snaps.
11:30 pm : Sehwag has taken his drink, gone to a corner, and is chatting with his wife on phone. He has something else on his mind, which is definitely not cricket.
11:45pm : Yuvraj, Zaheer, Dhoni and Irfan Pathan are still drinking religiously.
12:45 am : Sachin and Ganguly are going real slow with their drinks. They want to last long, but their contribution to finishing the daaru bulk is minimal.
1 am : Munaf Patel is next to become talli, but he leaves before anyone knows and pukes in the gloomy darkness of his room.
1:30 am : Dravid is feeling intoxicated, and he makes a neat coke for himself. So does Chappel, and they move to another room to discuss politics. Sachin follows them.
2:00 am : Bhajji is asking Sreesanth to play bhangra numbers from Daler Paaji, while Sreesanth is more interested in Pink Flyod.
2:30 am : Yuvraj, Zaheer, Dhoni and Irfan Pathan are still drinking religiously. Daaru is almost over. Dhoni is all enthu about going to a bar on his bike to get more daaru. He cons Dinesh Kartik to come along. On the way, Dhoni gives fundaes to Karthik about safe driving, safe sex, and safe wicket-keeping. The cops nab them outside a dance-bar for drunken driving.
2:45 am : Sreesanth and Bhajji are telling Dada that he is their best friend and how they look up to him.
3:00 am : Everybody is sloshed. 5 of them have puked. Kumble is taking pictures of puke lying all over.
7 am : Yuvraj is the only one alive in the dressing room waiting for more daaru. He walks towards Manditra Bedi's room to ask if she has some. As he is about to knock, Chaaru Sharma's door opens and out comes Mandira.

That's all for the day!! Time to catch up with real cricket.

Another Saturday!

2006-03-31T14:51:00.000-08:00

It's almost 4 in the morning and I don't feel like sleeping. This happens invariably every Friday night(or Saturday morning). One good option is to drink more and fall dead. But I believe dehydration is no cure for insomnia.

I want to write funny stuff(people have been asking me for long now), but whenever I get down to writing a blog, I feel like publishing a lot of senti stuff. Or may be it's the other way round. I would never write a blog when I am in a jolly/good/funny mood.

Wait, let me open another beer....

I hunted for the nail-cutter for five minutes...this is frustrating sometimes. Whenever I have to open a beer, the nail-cutter disappears. I think someone is conspiring. I wish I could open a beer with my teeth. I really look up to those people who have the artistic teeth to do that. Finally, I did the hit-the-bottle-edge against-the-kitchen-platform-edge trick. I think I am good at that. A white paper on that would be a good idea.

By the way, when I opened the fridge, orange juice tempted me for a while, but then I carefully chose the healthier option. Juice doesn't go well with a cigarette anyways. There is a certain contradiction there!!

Too bad, I am drinking beer alone. Reminds me on N.P.Singh. We have lost touch. I pray to God, hang on, I hardly believe in God. Let me rephrase. I hope N.P.Singh is fine and fit and happy wherever he is.

Talking of beer, a thought crossed my mind a couple of days back. I mailed this to several people. I've been drinking a lot of hard alcohol over the past few months. Had my first beer of the season on Wednesday. That was like arrival of summer for me. It used to be mangoes which announced the arrival of summer. Now, it's beer.

I am seriously considering going back to Bombay and working there. That city has a charm of it's own. I loved it when I went to IIT in February. Those few hours at the shack/SP/wing re-energized me a lot. Also, I will be close to the theatre scene and will watch a lot of movies. I am sick of the scarcity of English/Hindi movies here in Hyderabad. While watching 'Memoirs of a Geisha' yesterday, I really wished it was all on the big screen.

KK left today. He said our paths will cross soon. I am sure they won't. They never do. But the highlight of the day was boozing during office hours at the neighbourhood pub while Raina played the winning knock for India.

I think this blog is going nowhere. I should rather concentrate on the not-so-cold-anymore beer rather than jotting down random thoughts.

It's good bye and good night. Happy Fool's day! :=)